Ten Best Films Of 2017!!!

Here we are, the end of another moviegoing year. Well, actually, quite a bit past the end but better late than never. 2017 was a truly exceptional year for film and having to leave off films like It, Baby Driver, The Florida Project, Wind River, Get The Girl, The Big Sick, Guardians Of The Galaxy Volume 2, Brigsby Bear, Jumanji: Welcome To The Jungle,  Good Time and The Disaster Artist truly hurt me. Still, I found ten films that are more than worthy of their place on this list. So without further ado, here are the ten best films of 2017, per my opinion.
(10) War On Everyone

A hysterical, witty, incredibly well acted action comedy, War On Everyone is a movie that slaps a big smile on your face that never quits and almost makes up for that other action comedy about cops that Michael Pena co-starred in last year.
(9) Crash Pad

Another movie that causes a smile that never quits, Crash Pad is moment for moment one of the funniest films I have seen in quite some time. It also is shockingly smart about the idea of marriage and the way couples act towards one another. This is not some dumb Seth Rogen knockoff....this is truly inventive stuff.

(8) My Friend Dahmer

This one isn't quite as funny but wow is it spectacular. Featuring a star making performance by Ross Lynch, My Friend Dahmer is a slick, stylish, thought provoking film that follows infamous serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer through his high school years. The message it has about the effects of bullying make this not only a totally engaging film but a completely important one as well.

(7) Personal Shopper

Personal Shopper is a creepy, sad, wonderful little indie horror featuring an amazing performance by Kristen Stewart. It takes the audience to a place that has rarely ever been seen in film before and keeps its hooks in you until the final moments. Oh and it also makes texting super scary, which is an accomplishment in and of itself.

(6) The Killing Of A Sacred Deer 

Whether you take The Killing Of A Sacred Deer as a Stanley Kubrick-esque horror film or a really, really, really dark comedy, this is an inventive film with a wonderfully nasty edge to it. It also accomplishes the task of making the lack of humanity a positive rather than a flaw and features Barry Keoghan in a performance that is sure to have directors lining up to work with him.

(5) Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri

Martin McDonagh knocks it out of the park again with Three Billboards Outside Ebbing Missouri, a hilarious satire about how far one mother (Frances McDormand) will go to assure that there is justice in the case of her daughter being raped and murdered. It may not sound funny and it does have a dark side to it but by god is it also hysterical. 

(4) Get Out

Get Out is a lot like Pulp Fiction in that you can view it a hundred different times and pick up on new things each time as well as take away a new perspective of the film each time. This is an incredibly confident directorial debut by Jordan Peele (who also wrote the film,) a former TV sketch comedy guy who proves that he has a lot more in him than it may initially seem. 

(3) Last Flag Flying

Shocker---the Richard Linklater movie that takes place around Christmas time is high up on my list. There's also the fact that Last Flag Flying is a touching, funny and loving tribute to the brave men and women who fight for our country and that it features three top notch performances at its center as well as a powerful cameo by a certain legendary actress.

(2) Better Watch Out

To say anything about Better Watch Out would be to spoil the fun of going into it completely cold. What I will say is that this is a delightfully nasty little holiday film that keeps you guessing until the very end and that Levi Miller is a star in the making.

and the best film of 2017 is.....

(1) Lady Bird

To me, not relating to Lady Bird seems like an impossibility. This is a universally relatable story about growing up and discovering who you are. It is told with such heart, humor and sincerity that writing about how much I love it could never possibly do how amazing this film truly is justice. This is one of those rare movies like Planes Trains And Automobiles or Dazed And Confused that will surely become something I must get an emotional experience out of every year. The only way to see the beauty and the awesomeness of Lady Bird is to see it for yourself. 

Top 10 Worst Films Of 2017!!!

        Another year, another batch of horrible movies. For the most part, 2017 was an exceptional year for film, proving that there is still creativity and raw talent in Hollywood and making all of us hope that such talent are as nice as they seem. However, 2017 also provided a fair amount of absolute stinkers. Before I get into the worst of the worst, I would like to throw out a few dishonorable mentions. Among them are The Layover, Atomic Blonde, CHIPS, Daddy's Home 2,  Flatliners, Geostorm and Home Again. Also, before I get started, I would like to preface this list by saying that I do not usually like to combine films but there were two very concerning trends this year that made me feel the need to do so for this list. So without further ado, here are the films that made me feel like I was going to die while sitting in the theater.
(10) Landline

           Landline is a bunch of unlikable a-holes screaming at each other for two hours and doing terrible, unforgivable things to one another. If I were to be approached by someone resembling any of the characters in this film, I would run away as fast as possible. Jenny Slate gives one of the worst performances of the year which is especially disappointing since she showed true acting chops in the wonderful and sadly little seen drama Gifted in the same year. 

(9) Wilson 

                Incredible talent such as Woody Harrelson, Laura Dern, Judy Greer, Brett Gelman, Margo Martindale and Cheryl Hines came together to make Wilson, a thoroughly unpleasant alleged comedy that I forgot about the second I left the theater. This film escapes the mind so quickly that it feels like even more of a waste of time than something that actually has the potential to get a viewer actively riled up. Roger Ebert once called the Michael Keaton comedy The Squeeze "chewing gum for the mind." If he were alive today, he would have had to pass that honor onto Wilson. 

(8) Mother/Suburbicon/Downsizing 

                 The first concerning trend this year is a trilogy of Paramount Pictures releases that tried to bring the arthouse to the mainstream. I think Universal did this better in 2017 with the reviled The Snowman (a film I happened to enjoy.) Here are three films that would be bad enough on their own if the marketing wasn't hiding what they really were. With the completely false marketing, however, they reach a new level of shameless. The worst part about these films all coming out within months of one another is that their low quality and even lower box office intake will make it even harder for directors with genuine talent to pitch their original film ideas to big studios. 

(7) Wonder Wheel

                    Let's put aside the accusations against Woody Allen for a few minutes and just embrace how unbelievably boring and unpleasant Wonder Wheel is. This film is the equivalent of someone coming out to you once the movie starts and chloroforming you. It is so incredibly boring and unpleasant that there were about 20 times that I almost got up and left and yet it's only number seven on my list. As if I have to tell you this---never, ever, ever watch this garbage.

(6) The Ottoman Lieutenant/Bitter Harvest/The Promise/Queen Of The Desert

                         The other awful trend in 2017 films---taking genuinely interesting pieces of history and turning them into dull love triangles. These four films are so bad and so mind numbingly stupid and so uninteresting that typing their titles out once again isn't even worth it. What's especially sad is that all four directors (Joseph Ruben, Terry George, George Mendeluk and Werner Herzog) have proven to be incredibly talented men behind the camera. How they wound up with such utter crap is beyond me.

(5) Valerian And The City Of A Thousand Planets

                         Okay, Valerian And The City Of A Thousand Planets did look kinda cool. However, when I want nothing more than to leave the theater and get away from two of the worst, most annoying characters in film history, something is seriously wrong with your film. 

(4) Rough Night 

                         I'm an easy critic when it comes to comedies. I'll laugh at just about anything. I find all five of the leads in Rough Night to be incredibly funny women. However, I let out one muddled laugh during the entire 105 minutes of this dreadful comedy and that was from a cashier who's in the film for two seconds who's not even in the main plot. Raunchy humor can be extremely funny if done well but it's not enough to have jokes about how one bachelorette brought along stuff shaped like the male anatomy if you're not going to do anything else with that.

(3) The Emoji Movie 

                             Low hanging fruit to be sure but The Emoji Movie is such an incredibly cynical cash grab that it has to be on this list. A film that hates children, adults, animals, trees and any other breathing organism, this is a cheap and lazy effort that proves there's plenty of room in Hollywood for absolute crap that no one (and I mean no one) could possibly enjoy.

(2) Life 

                            To be clear---I was bored out of my mind by Alien Covenant. However, at least that film managed to try something a little bit different. Life does nothing new with the space genre and is content being a painful and bland rehash of much better films. This is Alien if it were made by Uwe Boll. 

And the worst film of 2017 is....

(1) Justice League

                              This year, we had Wonder Woman, which I didn't like but at least that felt like a real film. Justice League has no personality, no conceivable plot, no real characters, nothing to make the audience want to sit and watch even a minute of it and I'm still not sure that it even exists. How could such a dreadful film be made? How could a villain that looks like a piece of CGI poop be created in the 20th century? Watching Justice League only serves as a reminder that there's way too many good movies in the world to give any attention to so called movies like this. 

Wolf Warrior II Review

It's always one last job----Jing Wu as a Special Forces agent who must leave his peaceful life to fight one more battle in Wolf Warrior II
                  Wolf Warrior II has some of the most impressive action scenes in recent memory. It's a shame about that plot, though. Despite its extreme love of director-star Jing Wu's native land of China, this is no less generic than any standard American action film save for the fight choreography, of course. This is yet another film about someone living a peaceful life after spending so many years being a badass who must perform one more job. This is Unforgiven, this is The American, this is Shane. There is nothing special about this story, which makes the fact that it is so grounded in Chinese culture make it feel off rather than patriotic.

                        Jing Wu plays Leng Feng, who is living a quiet life, spending time with his godson (Nwachukwu Kennedy Chukwuebuka) and beloved by the town due to a murder he committed a few years back that landed him behind bars and had him stripped of his honors. However, a group of mercenaries, led by Big Daddy (Frank Grillo) and including a cavalcade of henchmen (two are played by Oleg Prudius and Heidi Moneymaker, a wrestler and a stuntwoman who both deserve better than this.) I'm sure you can guess what this means. Leng has to come out of retirement to fight against these corrupt baddies. I won't reveal anything else but I assume I would know the answer if I were to ask you, the reader, whether or not Big Daddy and Leng are connected in some way and who will win out in the end.

                           Look---I know something like Wolf Warrior II is not trying to be particularly deep. These movies are meant to showcase some cool action and let an actor like Wu stroke his own ego as he gets to play the cool, slick hero. However, the action scenes are fairly sparse. There are long stretches where the film is trying to build up its plot and none of it works. I was fully invested whenever two people starting throwing fists at each other. In between, I was checking my watch. Wu is a convincing enough hero and Grillo demonstrates once again that he has no problem playing the no-nonsense villain but they're trapped by so many cliches I lost count after a while. There should be more flavor here, more moments to stand up and cheer with.

                          The script is credited to four writers (including Wu) and that doesn't surprise me one bit. This feels like a contrived mashup of ideas when a much more simple approach to the storytelling would have worked wonders. At one point, there are so many villains fighting against so many good guys that I just kinda gave up figuring out who was on what side. After all, the only real indication they give is the outfits people are wearing.

                             The film also seems to be portraying a slightly dangerous message that Americans (and especially white Americans) are the devil. While I think that may be a valid point in this current political climate, it comes across as off putting in what should be a relatively straight forward action film. All the head villains are white (save for one Black American henchman) while all the heroes are Chinese and African. Perhaps I shouldn't be complaining since Hollywood has done plenty of its share of whitewashing and making other nationalities into people to be feared but two wrongs don't make a right.

                                 Wolf Warrior II is an extremely enjoyable film when it sticks to its stylized, intense action. Whenever it goes back to the plot, however, it becomes lackluster and fairly dull. I look forward to seeing Wolf Warrior III (which a scene right after the credits begin assures us there will be) if only to see Wu get his story juices flowing. He's nailed the action, now let's see him nail the script.
(2 and 1/2 out of 5 Stars, The film is Not Rated)

When Original Ideas Fail.....

            So far, 2017 has brought some wildly original films that I have loved, from Get Out to A Cure For Wellness to The Belko Experiment to Baby Driver. I could spend a whole blog talking about how wonderfully written and inventive these films are. However, my readers know I'm not going to do that. Being a cynical prick who likes to complain, I would much rather make a whole post about the wildly original films from this year that have failed. This can also be chalked up to the waste of original ideas last year (see my #3 and #2 worst films of 2017.) Since such a tradition of waste has bled into this year, I feel I need to address the elephant in the room (and no, I'm not referring to Okja because I haven't seen that one yet.) I would like to focus on four films in particular, two that have been pretty much unanimously panned and two that I was extremely let down by although I seem to be in the minority---The Book Of Henry, The Bad Batch, Beatriz At Dinner and Colossal. I am going to examine each of these films, say what is unique about them and then proceed to tell everyone exactly why they failed at what they were trying to do.
     
             Firstly, The Book Of Henry, which has such an odd premise that it is almost impossible to believe that it's a real movie. It follows a young, gifted boy (Jaeden Lieberher) who finds out that the cute girl next door (Maddie Ziegler) may or may not be getting abused by her step dad (Dean Norris) who happens to be local law enforcement. Without getting into too much detail, it ends up being up to the boy's mother (Naomi Watts) to assassinate the step dad. This is all done with a Lifetime movie of the week tone and score, which makes the movie seem even more messed up than it already is. I actually don't hate this movie as much as a lot of people seem to. I respect director Colin Trevorrow and screenwriter Gregg Hurwitz's combined ballsiness to absolutely go for it. However, it all ends up being way too much and it's never as campy or laughably amateur as it should be to make a true so bad it's good movie. A large part of the reason of why this movie fails, weirdly enough, is that there is major talent both in front of and behind the camera. Lieberher, Norris, Watts and Jacob Tremblay (who plays the younger brother) are all terrific actors, Ziegler shows the makings of a future star and Trevorrow directed Safety Not Guaranteed, one of the best films of the past couple of years. Because of this, the movie doesn't stumble enough to make it truly funny. It looks too professional, the actors are giving too much of their all, you can feel Trevorrow trying behind the camera. If a group of people who had never made a film before made this, then they may have had something. As is, it's not funny bad enough nor is it well done enough to be taken seriously. Still, I respect its effort and the way Trevorrow and Hurwitz clearly dived into this premise head  first.

               The Bad Batch is a post apocalyptic thriller about a woman (Suki Waterhouse) who, missing an arm and a leg, looks after a little girl (Jayda Fink) while trying to reunite her with her father (Jason Momoa) in a wasteland looked over by a Jesus-like figure (Keanu Reeves.) This film is written and directed by Ana Lily Amarpour, who previously did the fabulous A Girl Walks Home Alone At Night, her debut film about a feminist vampire. That film was slow moving for the sake of building up extreme tension and making the audience really care for this vampire. The Bad Batch is slow moving with no real purpose. In fact, the premise is so wacky that the ungodly pace of the film ends up not mixing at all with the rest of it. As well, every actor is trapped (except for Reeves, who continues to show that he can still be amazing in his later years.) Momoa is hunky and charismatic as always but also feels completely wrong for the role while newcomers Fink and Waterhouse both feel like they don't know what they're doing in the film to begin with. The story is also muddled and confusing, with characters who are truly despicable as our heroes and the aforementioned Jesus-like figure who is trying to help everyone out as our villain. Perhaps this is an allegory or satire or both but Amorpour doesn't know how to deliver that idea. Amorpour brilliantly mixed genres in A Girl Walks Home Alone At Night but with The Bad Batch, she throws guacamole and pizza on top of ice cream. In other words, it's a lot of different solid films mixed into one huge, unsavory mess. I will still be first in line for Amorpour's next film, however.

                        Beatriz At Dinner is a social satire about a massage therapist (Salma Hayek) who gets invited to a dinner party being held by a wealthy client (Connie Britton) and who ends up feuding with the guest of honor (John Lithgow) over their political differences. Hayek, Britton, Lithgow and the rest of the cast bring their a-game, delivering a group of top notch performances. However, the Beatriz character is not the least bit believable, behaving in a manner that no one in her position would behave, the elites are way too over the top (and this is a satire about elitists) and the movie never has the courage of its convictions, pretending like it's doing something sharp and brazen before petering out every time it has the opportunity to do so. This is especially disappointing coming from the team of director Miguel Arteta and writer Mike White. Separately, Arteta has directed two truly wonderful character based comedies---Cedar Rapids and Star Maps and White has written two similarly wonderful character based comedies with School Of Rock and Orange County. Together, White and Arteta did Chuck And Buck and The Good Girl, two hilariously cringe worthy comedies. Here, however, they seem to wimp out at every turn.

                           Colossal follows Gloria (Anne Hathaway) who moves back to her hometown and catches up with old friend Oscar (Jason Sudekis) who now owns a bar. Both of them are alcoholics and after one crazy night of drinking, Gloria discovers that when she stomps around in a local park, a monster appears in Tokyo and does whatever she does. Soon enough, Gloria finds herself trying to save the forces of Tokyo against herself and something more evil than even she can create. Directed by Nacho Vigalondo, who did the excellent Timecrimes, this is a potentially fascinating premise that throws too much else at the screen. An annoying and needless subplot involving Gloria's ex-boyfriend (Dan Stevens) is clearly there just to pad the running time and there are too many extended sequences that add up to nothing and have no consequence to anything else in the film. There is a really good movie in here somewhere but Vigalondo needed to focus solely on the main premise and cut the rest out.

                              So there you have it...four films not based on any previous material that could have easily worked and just didn't. Obviously, everyone involved in these films are incredible talents who have it in them to do wonderful films. Hopefully, they will come across this and take my advice on why their films didn't work this time around.

Unforgettable Review

Don't do crazy-----Katherine Heigl as a bitter ex-wife to a hunky man (Geoff Stults) in Unforgettable
               Unforgettable is the newest in a long line of what I call the smutty thriller genre. It started in the 90s, with films like Fair Game and Single White Female and has seen a resurgence with When The Bough Breaks and The Boy Next Door among others. Of this genre, Single White Female is the best made of them and The Boy Next Door is the most fun (although how much of that was intentional is questionable.) However, I'm not here to compare movies (ignore the fact that I just did.) Unforgettable is pretty awful and yet...it could have been kinda, sorta fun but writers Christina Hodson and David Johnson and director Denise Di Novi are too lazy to make that much effort. They instead opt for  a thriller in which not much happens and then wimp out at the end by making even the throw down that the film has been leading up to insignificant. If you're going to lead up to this, at least make it count.

                      The film stars Rosario Dawson as Julia, a too-perfect blogger who is married to David (Geoff Stults, giving a performance so bland that it literally took the taste out of my mouth as I was watching it.) However, Julia meets Tessa (Katherine Heigl,) David's ex who is evil, but not evil enough to make it threatening nor comical. In fact, the movie screws up being fun bad by introducing a comically evil character in Julia's ex (Simon Kassianides) and then showing him only in brief cutaways and one scene towards the end. Kassianides's performance, mixed with the terribly undercooked screenplay, all but turn this guy into a Looney Tunes villain but he's not on screen long enough to be that funny and when he is fully introduced, the scene is  in such poor taste that it makes it hard to even laugh at him.

                        This is not to mention that the film is told in flashback, taking away any suspense from an already completely predictable story. Seriously....giving away how this all transpired in the opening scene would get someone a failing grade in a college level screenwriting class.

                         This doesn't even begin to bring up the fact that plot elements are introduced that make no sense and amount to nothing. At one point, Lily, David and Tessa's daughter, is talking to a mysterious man at a market. This is brought up later by having Julia go "who was that man you were talking to at the market?" and Lily replying "I don't know." Why even have that scene if you're not going to do anything with it?

                          Then there's Cheryl Ladd as Tessa's equally uptight, cruel mother. Ladd is at least attempting to give a fun, campy performance but the script gives her nothing to do. She's mean but why and what significance should that serve? The only thing I can think of is to give Tessa some sprinkling of sympathy but then that takes away from the fun of watching this woman ruin her ex's new lover's life. Seriously...there's such a disconnect between the actors, the screenwriters and the directors that it makes everything jarring. Heigl feels like she studied the work of someone like Bette Davis without understanding what made her performances great, Dawson seems to think she's in a Douglas Sirk melodrama, Stults isn't doing anything, Di Novi is directing this like a made for TV Christmas drama, Hodson and Johnson seem to be writing a horror film and that's not even to mention Whitney Cummings as Julia's trustworthy, wise cracking friend who gets not one funny line of dialogue, but plenty of attempts at them.

                               Yet, at the end of the day, Unforgettable sets itself up for a sequel as if that will ever happen. There's no reason to see this film. If you're going to make a film with this ludicrous a premise, run with it and have fun. If you're going to direct any film, work with your actors in a way that makes sense. If you're going to bring up plot elements, make them worthwhile. Most of all, don't be this mind numbingly boring.
(1/2 out of 5 Stars, The film is rated R for sexual content, violence, some language and brief partial nudity.)

The Lost City Of Z Review

Finders keepers-----Charlie Hunnan as Percy Fawcett, an explorer who claims to have found a hidden civilization in The Lost City Of Z
                            Love him or hate him, we should all feel appreciative that someone like James Gray exists in the world. While I haven't loved all of his films (I found We Own The Night pretentious and The Immigrant dull,) I admire him greatly and am happy that he is making them. He's keeping that old fashioned sensibility alive. Think David Lean mixed with John Ford with a dash of Alfred Hitchcock thrown in for good measure. He takes his time, he builds characters, his visuals are minimal but effective and he even manages to study his actors' faces through their every single move. It's hard to deny these traits have been lost in the age of Michael Bay and even more talented directors like Ben Wheatley and James Wan, all of whom tend to throw a lot at the screen in an effort to keep the audience engaged.

                                Gray's latest film, The Lost City Of Z, based on the famous/infamous exploration of Percy Fawcett and his proposal that there may be civilizations we don't even know about living among us, will undoubtedly bore many people and even frustrate a lot in its deliberate pace and runtime that sometimes seems superfluous but is needed to truly tell the story in its full effect. Others like myself, however, will find this story of a man who will risk everything to prove what he knew he witnessed a fascinating character study and will appreciate Charlie Hunnan's lead performance, which feels so authentic that I forgot I was watching that guy from "Sons Of Anarchy" simply play this explorer.

                                   The film follows Fawcett, who seems like a fish out of water everywhere he goes. That is, until he gets assigned to explore the Amazon River with Henry Costin (Robert Pattinson, near unrecognizable under pounds of facial hair and continuing to prove that he's an excellent actor who just once got stuck with a bad role.) On one of his journeys, Fawcett discovers what he claims is Zed, a hidden city full of people who make up their own civilization. Upon returning, he tries to convince his colleagues that he's not crazy but they laugh him out of the room, much to the chagrin of his dedicated wife Nina (Sienna Miller, also excellent.) This prompts Fawcett to become absolutely obsessed with proving the truth of what he saw.

                                       Gray never once uses an in your face shot, instead opting, as he often does, for minimal shots that say everything they need to and then some. This is a fantastic talent working behind the camera, knowing exactly what he needs and doesn't need. Toward the end of the film, Tom Holland shows up as Jack, Percy and Nina's son who demands that he and pop go explore together and this section of the film provides one of the most beautiful shots I can remember seeing in a film for quite some time.

                                          As well, the script by Gray (based on a book by David Grann) makes every single character feel authentic and relatable. The desire of Fawcett to get to the heart of the matter and prove everyone right is inherently relatable as is Henry's desire to eventually just stay out of it. These are not cardboard cut outs...they are real people who it is very easy to feel for. This is also due to the performance. Hunnan, Pattinson, Miller and Holland are all magnificent, opting to give depth to these characters rather than play them in a more straightforward manner.

                                        Of course, there are some problems with the film. The journey eventually loses steam as it becomes clearer what's going on, which makes the conclusion potentially unsatisfying for some, although I found it to be completely worthwhile. Also, there are a few times where the pace doesn't feel so much deliberate as just poorly done but those are fairly brief moments.

                                         For the most part, The Lost City Of Z works as both an interesting character study of obsession and what it drives people to do as well as a suspenseful, Hitchcockesque thriller about what could or could not be a completely misguided effort and how that effort could end up bringing more than you were hoping for. To quote Greg Kihn---"They don't write 'em like that anymore."
(4 out of 5 Stars, The film is rated PG-13 for violence, disturbing images, brief strong language and some nudity.)

The Blackcoat's Daughter Review

There's evil in that school---Kiernan Shipka as a vicious boarding school student in The Blackcoat's Daughter
               The Blackcoat's Daughter is a new horror film directed by Oz Perkins, son of Norman Bates portrayer Anthony Perkins. Simply based on the household he grew up in, it would seem logical to expect Oz to know a little more about horror than he seems to. He understands atmosphere---that's for sure, but not how to apply it. There is also the best use of sound design I can think of in recent memory, never mind the fact that it's a few seconds of a slow, tedious film. Oz also seems to understand actors, which would make sense. His five leads are all incredibly dedicated to the material they're working with, even Lauren Holly, who gets practically nothing to do but disagree with James Remar, here playing her husband.

                 The story----Kat (Kiernan Shipka) is a boarding school student whose parents leave her to fend for herself at the school over break. Seeing as Kat has some pretty clear issues, the head of the school requests that Rose (Lucy Boynton,) who accidentally informed her parents not to come until Friday, look after her. The only problem is that Rose is a troublemaker and doesn't give a damn about Kat. Oh, also there are spooky things happening in the school. In a whole other section of the movie, Joan (Emma Roberts) is a stranded teen. A couple (Remar and Holly) who are heading the same way as her decide to give her a ride and provide her with a hotel room. Never mind the story, though, because that's the very, very, very simplified version of it and it actually doesn't make any sense whatsoever as it plays out.

                  Writer-director Perkins surrounds his movie with all the creepy atmosphere that's needed to make a solid horror film. Meanwhile, however, he seems to forget that characters worth caring about and a story to get invested in are also completely necessary to be effective. If there's nothing to follow along with and no character who I can identify with, there's not much to hold my interest. Scene after scene, I wanted to lean over to someone and ask "What's going on here? What is this supposed to mean?" There's nothing significant about any of this. Yes, it looks nice and it has creepy sounds, but that means absolutely nothing when I'm left checking my watch every few minutes.

                   The story builds to a conclusion that I suppose is meant to be a big, breath taking reveal. However, Perkins makes the fatal mistake of dropping not so subtle hints into the film. Anyone who was even halfway paying attention will have already guessed what the big twist is and will have already stopped caring.

                      Perkins clearly has some talent behind the camera. He's one of those guys who you've seen in a movie if you've watched a movie from the past couple of decades. He has learned the basics of how to make a film. Now he just has to find the rhythm to go along with it and maybe hire someone else to write his screenplay.
(2 out of 5 Stars, The film is rated R for brutal bloody violence and brief strong language)

Bitter Harvest Review

Starving for something----Max Irons as a young man who falls in love and fights again Stalin's rule in Bitter Harvest
                 I knew I was in trouble when five minutes into Bitter Harvest, about the mass starvation of many innocent citizens, I thought "at least it looks like a movie." This is a case of an amazing, powerful story being turned into mush by a script so poorly constructed and director so incompetent that it often borders on parody. The appearance of such actors as Barry Pepper and Terrence Stamp, who seem to be in that part of their career where they will take on literally any project, does not help.

                   The film follows Yuri (Max Irons,) a young gent who falls for Natalka (Samantha Barks) amidst the powerful rule of Joseph Stalin (Gary Oliver, in a performance that recalls Jerry Haleva's impersonation of Saddam Hussein in Hot Shots Part Deux.) When Stalin's reign falls into Yuri's beloved country of Yugoslavia, he takes it upon himself to stop this. Meanwhile, many innocent citizens are being deprived of any food, which really happened but never mind that---it's nothing compared to the bland, lifeless chemistry between Irons and Barks as they play out a love story so dull that those who criticized the Twilight films should take a good, hard look at what no chemistry REALLY looks like.

                     Irons can be a decent actor given the right material. Alas, Bitter Harvest provides him with absolutely nothing worthwhile. Meanwhile, Pepper and Stamp, as Yuri's father and grandfather, get to sport haircuts so bad they make Max Landis's rat heap look amazing in comparison. The slight streak on top, surrounded by a big balding spot, is hideous. Pepper and Stamp, talented actors that they are, can't overcome the awfulness of those haircuts or the way their characters are written. These barely feel like people, which makes it even less impactful when (SPOILER) Yaroslav (Pepper) unexpectedly dies in the first act.

                      The film is directed and co-written by George Mendeluk, who did the 80's comedies Doin' Time and Meatballs III, neither of which are exactly great resume boosters and has gone on to be a connoisseur of mediocre Hallmark holiday films. This perhaps explains why the film looks  as if it belongs on basic cable at 3 AM. That does not explain, however, how Mendeluk and Richard Bachynsky Hoover could screw up the screenplay so bad. Stalin is little more than a cartoon character while everyone else barely registers, if at all. This story should have inherently been powerful, exciting and sad. With the people they had at the helm, however, you'd be better off watching The History Channel for your lessons, even if "Ice Road Truckers" is on.
(1/2 out of 5 Stars, The film is rated R for violence and disturbing images)

                     

Ten Worst Films Of 2016!!!!

Arguably, having to sit through these films was not the worst thing to happen to me in 2016. However, this was a truly dreadful year for film in a lot of ways. Films that didn't even make the cut include Shut In, Warcraft, American Pastoral, Masterminds and Blair Witch among others. The only reason there aren't more dishonorable mentions is because I took  a bit back for myself this year. I managed to skip Allegiant, Independence Day Resurgence and Alice Through The Looking Glass among others. So without further ado, here are the worst of the worst of 2016.

(10) Man Down

Doing a PTSD war drama is admittedly a good and well intentioned idea and casting Shia LaBeouf as the lead was a surprisingly good choice. However, Man Down was lame and boring in more ways than I could count. It's not as cynical as most on this list, which is why it's only at 10 but it was too dull not to put on.

(9) The Choice

I have defended Nicholas Sparks adaptations time and time again but The Choice bored me to tears. That's saying something when there's both Alexandra Daddario and Teresa Palmer to look at on screen.

(8) London Has Fallen

The most morally reprehensible film of the year, London Has Fallen should have never been made and I'm already done talking about this despicable piece of trash.

(7) The Boy

One of many pathetic (but not the most) attempts at horror from this year, The Boy bored me to tears. That's saying something when there's Lauren Cohen to look at on screen.

(6) Ben Hur

Upon leaving the theater after seeing this disaster, I told a buddy of mine that it was barely even a movie. I stick by that. This is a sad attempt to remake an all-time classic that was itself a remake of an all-time classic and it deservedly flopped hard.

(5) Bad Santa 2 

The first Bad Santa is a brilliant Christmas comedy but its sequel is a lazy film that tries way too hard to be as filthy as possible. If there were even 2 or 3 laughs in it, I would be willing to forgive it more. However, I think I let out a soft chuckle once and that was just because I was so desperate to find something remotely funny.

(4) Nerve

I'll give Nerve this---it has a great concept. Perhaps this makes it even more disappointing when the film is simply boring and awkward and goes absolutely nowhere with its idea.

(3) Swiss Army Man

The fact that the senior citizens filled theater I saw Swiss Army Man included people laughing genuinely concerned me for the fate of humanity. Perhaps the fact that people, even older ones, would like this disgusting, puerile, unbearable comedy explains why we have the president-elect that we do.

(2) The Neon Demon

I've always found Nicolas Winding Refn to be a pretentious filmmaker who is all style and no substance. If ever there was a film to prove that, it would be The Neon Demon. This is an unbelievably pretentious, ugly, mean spirited pile of trash with not a single worthwhile moment in it. It made no money in its opening weekend (in wide release, mind you,) proving that sometimes moviegoers are smart enough to know when to stay away.

And the worst film of 2016 is......

(1) The Forest

The Forest takes real life tragedy and turns it into a cheap, boring horror film. This makes the film not only terrible but incredibly offensive. It also doesn't help that leads Natalie Dormer and Taylor Kitsch give two of the worst, most lifeless performances I have ever had the displeasure of seeing. Don't even get me started on the ending, too. What a massive heap of junk this film is. Everyone involved in the making of it should be ashamed of themselves!

Silence Review

A mission and a prayer----Andrew Garfield as a priest who goes looking for his mentor (Liam Neeson) in Silence
                   Silence is an incredibly well directed, excellently acted, beautiful looking film. So, why then, did I find it such a slog to sit through? I don't think I have ever turned from excited to see a movie to antsy for it to be over so quickly. I doubt it's the fact that I, as an atheist, had trouble buying into a film all about the power of faith. I have enjoyed films like this before, after all. Nor do I think that it is because this kind of story goes over my head. Rather, I think it is because of the way in which the film presents its ideas. It is way too long (this is coming from the one person who thought Martin Scorcese's last film, The Wolf of Wall Street was a perfect length) and ends up at a conclusion that could be seen coming from the very beginning.

                    The film stars Andrew Garfield and Adam Driver as Rodrigues and Garrpe, two priests who decide to travel to Japan after a Father (Ciaran Hinds) tell them that their mentor (Liam Neeson) has inexplicably given up all faith in God. Once in Japan, they encounter religious persecution that tests their willingness to God.

                     Scorcese and cinematographer Rodrigo Prieto shoot the film beautifully. Every shot is breathtaking and, even though the film is at least forty minutes too long, the shots themselves never feel wasted. As well, individual moments are undeniably riveting. The idea that these priests may ultimately have to accept God different from how they see him creates some fascinating moments. One moment in particular where Rodrigues yells at a group of people as they are getting ready to die is powerful.

                       However, the screenplay by Scorcese and Jay Cocks (based on a novel by Shusaka Endo) is fairly weak. It makes the same point over and over and over again and features far too many scenes of people getting tortured for their beliefs. Persecution is a powerful concept but the film goes too far in telling the audience that. In fact, the second half of the film is almost entirely Rodrigues and others getting tortured. Why not use some of that time to explore the reason why the Inoue (Issie Ogata) feels the need to make those who do not agree with him suffer? Some may argue no answer is more powerful. To that I would say that torture without context is meaningless.

                         Also, Garfield is out of place here. He's a great actor and his performance is never anything but well done. However, he looks too modern, too handsome, too neat to be playing a 17th century priest. Driver looks more the role, which is why it's so disappointing that his role is more of a supporting one.

                           I can not at all call Silence a bad film. It would be hard to find a film that is better looking and Scorcese continues to show that he has more energy than directors half his age behind the camera. However, by the time the film wraps up, the point has been made and it  was all too obvious all along what that is. Perhaps you should see Silence for yourself. I can't say that it wouldn't be right up your alley. I, however, found it mostly redundant and dull.
(2 and 1/2 out of 5 Stars, The film is rated R for some disturbing violent content.)

The Best Movies Of 2016!!!!

Here they are---the best films of 2016. These are the films that reminded me why I love going to the theater so much. For such a terrible year in so many ways, these films provided a great escape for me. Before I get into the meat of the list, here are a few honorable mentions----White Girl, Almost Christmas, Don't Think Twice, Sing Street, Arrival, Deadpool, Nocturnal Animals, American Honey, The Edge Of Seventeen and Best Worst Thing That Ever Could Have Happened.

(10) Midnight Special

An inventive, original science fiction drama that harkens back to the 1970's, Midnight Special is a blast from start to finish. It also has amazing performances all around and is directed with such flair by Jeff Nichols that you can't help but ask how he did it all.

(9) Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping

The funniest film I saw all year and quite possibly one of the funniest films I have seen period, Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping may feel like a series of "Saturday Night Live" sketches quickly glued together but it had me laughing out loud from start to finish. When 99.8% of the jokes in your film land, you know you've accomplished something.

(8) Moonlight

A powerful, immersive drama with a great storytelling structure, Moonlight hit me so emotionally that I just had to walk around for a bit thinking about it after I saw it. For a guy who sees 300+ films a year, that's an achievement worth bragging about.

(7) Born To Be Blue

Unlike its fellow jazz musician biopic, Miles Ahead, which was a total mess despite good intention, Born To Be Blue is an amazing, damn near perfect film about Chet Baker. Ethan Hawke gives a performance that is sure to be studied in acting classes for decades to come as Baker and the whole film is hypnotic as hell.

(6) Take Me To The River

Sadly under seen, Take Me To The River is not a fun film to watch. However, it is a powerful drama about how even your own family may be harboring dark secrets and what could happen if those secrets come out. I dare anyone to watch this film and not be gripped from start to finish.

(5) Manchester By The Sea

Speaking of emotional and powerful films about family, Manchester By The Sea is a drama about dealing with the loss of a beloved family member that works so well, it's impossible to imagine the film being made any better. If all is right with the world, Casey Affleck will win the Best Actor Oscar for his understated performance as Lee, a man who is completely stricken with grief while newcomer Lucas Hedges will at least get nominated for his equally strong performance as the nephew Lee must take care of.

(4) Other People 

Featuring incredible performances from Jesse Plemons and Molly Shannon, Other People is a riveting, devastating drama about a son and mother dealing with the hand they've been dealt. Written by "Saturday Night Live" writer Chris Kelly, the film also manages to find levity in the best of places. 

(3) In A Valley Of Violence

One of two incredibly badass films from this year (see #2 on my list for the other,) In A Valley Of Violence doesn't do anything new with its western premise but it lays the groundwork and builds around said groundwork so perfect, I dare call the film an amazing achievement. Director Ti West has always been one of my favorites and this film cements him as maybe the most natural at making cool, slick entertainment (sorry, Quentin Tarantino.)

(2) Hell Or High Water

The other incredibly badass film this year, Hell Or High Water features three performances that could all be nominated for Oscars. Jeff Bridges, Chris Pine and Ben Foster create three of the best characters from 2016 and the film as a whole is an unpredictable, incredibly entertaining, brilliantly old fashioned rollercoaster ride.

(1) Everybody Wants Some!!

Richard Linklater once again shows why he's the king of indie comedies. Featuring a cast of relative newcomers (Ryan Guzman from The Boy Next Door, Blake Jenner from Glee and Wyatt Russell from 22 Jump Street are the best known of the cast,) this is one awesome film. Linklater sets this comedy at the beginning of the 1980's as a baseball player (Blake Jenner) moves into college and pals around with his teammates. The film is mostly just teammates having conversations but oh how engrossing they are. Pitcher Willoughby (Russell) talks about chord progressions in song for 15 minutes and it may very well be the most engaging scene from the past five years. Everybody Wants Some!! opened in limited release around me. After catching a showing of it I had to travel an hour to see, I was quite literally itching to see it again once it expanded. If that isn't high praise, I don't know what is. 

Trash Fire Review

Tragedy redux------Adrian Grenier and Angela Trimbur as a couple going through a very weird crisis in Trash Fire
                      Richard Bates Jr's Trash Fire is just about the most screwed up romantic comedy you will ever see a film constantly subverting the expectations you have. From the first scene, which starts with Owen (Adrian Grenier) venting to his therapist and then ends with, well, see for yourself, you know this is no When Harry Met Sally or The Ugly Truth. This is a dark, disturbing film about people who are even more dark and disturbing. Somehow, though, Bates Jr is such a talented writer-director that he gets you to root for these miserably drawn characters.

                        The film (which Bates Jr has stated is only somewhat autobiographical,) follows Owen and girlfriend Isabel (Angela Trimbur,) who have had a very on again-off again relationship over the years but always manage to work it out. Owen's therapist (Sally Kirkland) isn't exactly helpful at trying to get them to solve their problems and things get weird when Owen reveals why he's been so detached all these years. All I'll say is that it involves his sister (AnnaLynne McCord) and grandmother (Fionulla Flanagan.) This is the kind of film that is much better not knowing what happens next because like I said, it is constantly going in directions you would never guess.

                            Grenier is amazing as Owen, taking a completely unlikable prick and turning him into someone you can't take your eyes off of. In the hands of a lesser actor, Owen would have had the audience running out of the theater. With Grenier, Owen is someone worth investing in and following. Trimbur provides a good foil to Owen through Isabel. She's likable only by standing next to Owen. Isabel is not any sort of a good person but you feel bad for her because she's stuck with such a dopey, cruel boyfriend.

                               As the sister and grandmother, McCord and Flanagan do an excellent job at doing what they need to. They take the way their characters are written and bring even more life to them, imbuing them with a sense of purpose and meaning that couldn't have been easy to find, seeing as these characters aren't exactly written as bright sunny people, either. Kirkland also provides some brief, but well earned comic relief.

                                Bates Jr has already proven himself to be a one of a kind filmmaker with Excision and Suburban Gothic and proves it again  here. This is an extremely stylish film but its style never sacrifices the substance. We are invested in these characters, believing who they are and wanting to see where their journeys take them. However, Bates Jr also shoots and writes the film with such flair that anyone the least bit interested in filmmaking will have a blast trying to pick out each subtle shot, shift in tone, character decision, ETC. Just like Quentin Tarantino before him, Bates Jr ends up laying out all the pieces for you by the end and it's fun to dissect how these things that you saw prior to the end were part of a bigger whole.

                                   Trash Fire may not be for everyone and it certainly will leave even the most uneasily shocked viewer with a sense of "what did I watch" but Bates Jr has written and directed a stylish, subversive, extremely well done horror film that should appeal to those looking for something a lot different.
(4 and 1/2 out of 5 Stars, The film is Rated R for some disturbing violence/behavior, strong sexuality, nudity and language.)

Masterminds Review

World's dumbest criminals?-----Kristen Wiig and Zach Galifinakis as security guards who decide to rob their company in Masterminds
                             If you enjoy the idea of Kate McKinnon farting on Zach Galifinakis or of Galifinakis pooping himself in a pool that then turns completely brown, you may enjoy Masterminds more than I. For me, I found it the sort of dumb comedy that think it's a whole lot smarter and funnier than it actually is. In fact, I found it sort of horrible. Not once did I laugh, not once did I find anything interesting and many times did I cringe at the sheer idea of this cast having to deliver the material this film provides them. Then again, the film is directed by Jared Hess, a man who has specialized in making films (Don Verdeen, Gentlemen Broncos, Nacho Libre) that seem specifically designed to annoy me over the years. This latest effort from him may be the final nail in the coffin but it's not for a lack of the cast trying. Throw writers Chris Bowman and Hubbel Palmer, director and story writer for the unbearable Sundance-y Humble Pie to take down what could have been a pretty funny script from the extremely talented Emily Spivey and you got yourself one huge, steaming mess of a so-called comedy.

                                 What's even more is the fact that this true life story could have made an interesting thriller or drama or...comedy but Hess, Bowman, Palmer and Spivey do absolutely nothing with it. The story follows David Ghantt (Galifinakis,) a vehicle driver and security personnel for Loomis-Fargo who lusts after his equally strange co-worker Kelly (Kristen Wiig) while being tortured by Jandice (McKinnon,) his creepy fiancee. When Kelly proposes to David that they rob Loomis-Fargo, an idea she comes up with courtesy of master thief Stephen (Owen Wilson, who's way too nice to convincingly play any sort of master criminal,) David immediately jumps on the chance and ends up having to flee to Mexico in one of those comedy disguises that makes you wonder who thought it was funny. If that's not bad enough, he has to change disguises again (ha, ha.)

                                      However, things get way too complicated and Stephen hires a hitman (Jason Sudekis, the one half-way decent part of the film) to take down David. This results in one of the most unpleasant films I have seen all year, one that gets the displeasure of hating its characters even more than another thoroughly unpleasant 2016 comedy, The Bronze. This movie asks the audience to root for David and Kelly while absolutely taking anything potentially likable about them and throwing it out the window. This makes the film not only a sad and offensive attempt at manipulating its audience but also a complete cop-out when it tries to pull one last desperate attempt at the end. Spoiler alert! This is when it shows what has happened to the real life people and tries to go "see...they're good, smart people" after having just gone "ha, ha, ha...look at how stupid these people are." Say what you will about something like Pain and Gain but at least it was consistent in its meanness. Masterminds is uneven in what it wants us to think, which just makes it uncomfortable to sit through.

                                             If I took the likes of Galifinakis, Wiig, Wilson, McKinnon, Leslie Jones, Jon Daly (Jones and Daly play two FBI agents hot on David's trail,) Sudekis, Ken Marino and Mary Elizabeth Ellis, I could have made a significantly funnier film than Masterminds. It's hard to imagine someone screwing up this bad with such an incredible cast but leave it to Hess. He's been taking great casts and wasting them in these awful comedies for years now. It seems appropriate that a lot of these people are or were on Saturday Night Live and Spivey is a longtime SNL writer (she left last year after 14 years there) because all this film feels like is a really bad sketch stretched to an unbearable length.
(1/2 out of 5 Stars, The film is rated PG-13 for crude and sexual humor, some language and violence.)

Other People Review

Life as we know it-----Jesse Plemons as a struggling comedian who must come home to his dying mother (Molly Shannon) in Other People
                                   Chris Kelly's Other People is a brilliant film---a meditative comedy-drama that reminds everyone in the audience of why we go to the movies. This is what every film about a young man who must go home and deal with his dying family member should be. At times it's  a hoot before making you bawl your eyes out in an equally effective manner. This is helped by the fact that leads Jesse Plemons and Molly Shannon, as well as the wonderful supporting cast know how to anchor Kelly's terrific script. There is a realness to the whole production that makes this film all the more effective and relatable.

                                       The film stars Jesse Plemons as David, a struggling comedian who has recently broken up with his long time boyfriend Paul (Zach Woods) and has now found out that his mother, Joanne (Molly Shannon) has terminal cancer. He goes back home to his small town, where old family issues reignite and he pals around with Gabe (John Early, a total scene stealer,) an old high school friend. Among family problems are his caring father (Bradley Whitford,) who still has trouble accepting his son's life decision and his sisters (Madisen Beaty and Maude Apatow,) who resent David for leaving them to a certain degree.

                                          Plemons is terrific, especially considering that his character is a fairly emotionless person, so he has to imbue this guy with sympathy and heart without ever outright doing anything, save for a scene or two where his emotions get the best of him. As for Shannon, she must get an Oscar nomination this year. As someone who has never been her biggest fan, I can say she is absolutely brilliant here. Her role is as tough as Plemons' since her character wants absolutely no sympathy from anyone. She is fine with her disease because she is happy with the life she has lived thus far. Shannon has to make a sympathetic character out of one who doesn't want anyone's sympathy, a difficult task if there ever was one. One scene where she has to go back to her old school to pass on her teaching skills to her co-workers is especially powerful and is Shannon's ultimate Oscar clip moment. These two performances elevate what is already excellent writing and direction from Kelly, the head writer on "Saturday Night Live," which mysteriously got excellent for the last few years and now I can identify one of the reasons why.

                                          Kelly himself has stated this is a very personal story and it shows here. Every scene is grounded in complete realism. Even the wacky grandparents (June Squibb and Paul Dooley) feel like real people that exist somewhere in the world. Also, look out for the brilliant use of a song that I personally love.

                                          Comedy-dramas about a young guy who has to go back to his small town to face tragedy are a dime a dozen (Garden State, This Is Where I Leave You, etc) but Other People completely elevates this material, making it a film that everyone absolutely must see. Whether or not you have experienced this type of situation before, this film will be completely relatable while you are watching it and will only go up in your mind as you think about it.
(5 out of 5 Stars, The film is Not Rated.)