There's a moment in Ouija where the teenage characters are sitting around a dinner table to attempt to contact their dead friend for the first time. All are skeptical except one who reassures his friends by saying "don't worry...these boards are sold in all toy stores." It's a shameless bit of self promotion and also told me everything I needed to know about the film. It isn't as incompetently made as it could have been but that just makes the overall result dull. A much crazier and dumber film would have at least provided some laughs. It's especially surprising to me that this film is not laughably bad because between the trailer, the "produced by Michael Bay" stamp and the fact that the director is an unknown special effects guy named Stiles White, I thought that this film was actually Scary Movie 6 in disguise. Alas...this is a horror film that sucks the entire life out of the viewer. In fact, between this film and Annabelle, horror film fans have been screwed over within the last month or so. Have we, as a society, really sunk this low that these kinds of films make money?
I would do a plot synopsis but the characters are so interchangeable and the plot so lackluster and instantly forgettable I honestly would have no idea what I was talking about. Essentially the plot is stupid teenagers mourn over their dead friend, they try to contact her using a Ouija board and then after the first 80 minutes of a 85 minute film, something kind of happens. None of this would be a problem (not even the very slow build up to anything happening) if it were done right. However, this film takes itself way too seriously and gets no enjoyment out of the potentially kooky premise at hand. It's the equivalent of a "Naked Gun" sequel if it were to follow LT. Frank Drebin solve a rape case in a very competent manner.
This is one of those "the cost outweighs the benefits" scenarios. Sure, there's some dumb fun to be had here. Horror film quasi-legend Lin Shaye shows up in a hilariously awful cameo as a mental patient for whom the main teenage girl named ______ (I think that might have actually been her name) turns to for help. However, the teenagers mostly just sit around being sad about their dead friend and dying in ways that should be hysterically stupid but just fall flat. I mean, getting ones mouth stitched by a demon with dental floss sounds a lot funnier than it turns out to be in this film.
The nicest thing I can say about the film is that the actors aren't bad. These *obviously* late 20's, early 30's actors playing the teens try to make the most of their characters and bring some much needed personality to the film. Too bad that damn script prevents them from doing so. Also...try not to be pissed off once the unbelievably insulting end twist that contradicts the entire rest of the film is revealed. Apparently director/co-writer White and co-writer Juliet Snowden think film goers are a bunch of dummies who don't care about anything in the film nowadays. How dead wrong they are. In fact, they should be ashamed for trying to get the end twist by audience members as anything but an insult.
While it could have been much worse, Ouija is only hurt by this fact. It is an extraordinarily dull film that makes no use of its potentially laughable premise. If you want to see a laughably bad horror film, just stay home and stream the Troll and Leprechaun films. If you want to see a good horror film, don't go anywhere near a movie theater.
(1 out of 5 Stars, The film is rated PG-13 for disturbing violent content, frightening horror images, and thematic material)
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