Irrational Man, the latest from Woody Allen, is only a film in the sense that it has moving images and sounds on a screen. This is a miserable, depressing experience that doesn't exactly start out as a classy venture and yet manages to get progressively worse every second it inches along. This film doesn't have characters, a story, dialogue, ETC. Sure, actors show up and say a few words but there's no link between any two words any of these people say nor any of the "events" that "take place" on screen. I use quotation marks to indicate that nothing really happens. There are just movements by people on a screen.
Whenever I went to my local arthouse theater (even a week before this atrocity opened,) I saw the poster for it and yet had only vague hints of seeing the trailer once. Considering this is a "film" by Woody Allen, it seemed to be completely under marketed. Watching it, I realized why. Even a first time director with no dignity whatsoever would feel completely ashamed of having made something like this. Before I come across as too much of a jerk, I understand films are an incredibly hard thing to get made and I suppose I can give Allen the benefit of the doubt and say he put effort in and it just wasn't in the cards this time. However, this film is so pathetic and sad that I still can't tell whether I should hate it or pity it.
Joaquin Phoenix and Emma Stone, both at great points in their respective careers, will no doubt be able to shake this off as a misfire. Allen has made so many clunkers over the years that this will just go down as another one of those. However, this was near unwatchable to me (I literally almost left 18 times, and it's only a little over 90 minutes!!!) Allen has made some terrible films. However, I never found one this unpleasant. Between Aloha and this, Stone seems to be trying to prove that her Oscar nomination for Birdman was just a flash in the pan and has helped in providing two of the most unpleasant movie going experiences I have had this year. She's an extremely talented actress but she needs to find a new agent because she's terrible in these roles. Phoenix has also caused me two of the most unpleasant experiences this year. Between Inherent Vice and this garbage, this talented and versatile actor who is almost always interesting (he was actually the only genuinely good part of Inherent Vice) perhaps needs to reconsider the roles he is taking. As for Parker Posey in a brief role that is simply the Town Bimbo, she's a solid actress but needs to find a different role to put herself back in the spotlight.
There is something to be said about a film that causes me to write a review that is simply an angry rant. I almost have to give Irrational Man credit for being a film that is a level of awful I have never seen before and will never see again. However, it is all too dull and unpleasant to give that much credit. I don't know what went wrong that all these talented people came together for such an abysmal production. I would love to see the making of for this garbage. It would be fascinating to see who is to blame (if anybody, really.) Perhaps it was truly just an incredibly unfortunate production. For now, I'll just warn you not to be shocked if this ends up in a spot that comes before #2 on my worst of 2015 list come January 2016.
(0 out of 5 Stars, The film is rated R for some language and sexual content)
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