It's appropriate that Charlie Sheen's newest film has a long title like A Glimpse Inside The Mind Of Charles Swan III because the 80 minutes you may spend watching this film will feel like an eternity. If you have not seen this film yet and are reading this review---keep on reading so I can tell you just how much of a train wreck it is. This is not so much a film as it is a lot of smart people attempting to set the record for most brain dead idea ever. It keeps trying to shove down the audience's throats how smart and daring it is. Eventually---that aspect becomes like that kid in high school who talked about how many parties he went to until you realized he only talked about such because in actuality he went to no parties. In other words---if the film weren't so dumb and playing it so safe it wouldn't have to keep trying to show you how smart and daring it is. It would just let itself play out naturally. After having watched all of the dreadful, cringe inducing 80 minutes...I am having a hard time writing this review due to how many brain cells I lost in the process of viewing this garbage. If you are able to sit through this entire film without checking your watch at least five times...you are truly a strong person.
The film follows Charles Swan III (Charlie Sheen)...a graphic designer who has it all---wealth, fame, women, friends, respect...anything you can name. That is until his girlfriend Ivana (Katheryn Winnick) breaks up with him and leaves his life in a downward spiral. It is then that he tries to find out where he went wrong with the help of his best friend, Kirby (Jason Schwartzman) and his agent, Saul (Bill Murray.) Other talented people involved in the making of this awful production include Patricia Arquette, Stephen Dorff, Aubrey Plaza, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Dermont Mulroney and, of course, writer-director Roman Coppola.
It would be very easy to write the film off as boring except that would be letting it off too easy. A film that causes such a migraine as this one does can't be boring. If you sit there, dreading every minute of what is to come...it's not boring. It is, however, embarrassing for everyone involved. Charlie Sheen is not so much acting as playing himself. All the rest of the actors are there because (A) they want the money and know they don't have to work for it after having read the script and/or (B) they owe Coppola a favor. In other words...no one even tries to make this film any good.
I don't think I'll know exactly what went wrong in this production. I can just wrap it up as being quite possibly the worst film I have ever seen. Actors and directors generally can only make three films at the very most a year. After all---it is an incredibly long process. So for such smart people to make such a pile of garbage is just cringe inducing to sit through. They should have thought of the bigger picture. If they needed the money---they could have made a good film that would obviously take a bit longer to make than this junk. That way---they wouldn't run the risk of committing career suicide. If they owed a favor to Coppola---be in his next film---not this one. There were ways to get out of such an embarrassing project. Unfortunately---I think I am giving the people involved in said project too much credit for being smart if they didn't realize that fact.
I was tempted to stop watching the film altogether but then I thought with all the talent both in front of and behind the camera...something redeeming must be coming if not just in the final few minutes. Alas----nothing came...just the screams of a man who has witnessed the most audaciously awful film he has ever seen.
(0 out of 5 Stars, The film is rated R for language and some nudity)
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