Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter Review

               Benjamin Walker and Dominic Cooper in the new flick Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter
                           After this year's Dark Shadows..I was a bit skeptical about another Tim Burton-Seth Grahame Smith collaboration. In Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter..we get producer Burton teamed up with writer of both the screenplay and the novel on which it was based Grahame Smith. In Dark Shadows, Burton was director and Grahame Smith was the writer. Here..Timur Bekmambetov  of Wanted fame is the director. Together..these three men make one of the most deadly dull films of the year.

                         The main problem with the film is that it takes itself way too seriously. Sure..the audience gets some good comic relief from Jimmi Simpson and some of the performances including Anthony Mackie and Dominic Cooper are good. However, all of it feels too grim for a film about our 16th president killing vampires. Also...Benjamin Walker as Lincoln is trying to give a solid performance as if he's not aware that he's yielding an ax to kill vampires.

                         Yes..I just complimented a few of the performances but those performances are allowed to be good because they're not the ludicrous characters. They are rather the supporting players who are essentially supposed to be the straight men. Also...the whole plot is actually an insult to the man himself including the last scene with Lincoln which is incredibly bad taste.

                        Furthermore..the 3D is awful here. The film was shot mostly at night and the rest was shot in a really dark manner so the 3D just makes the whole film blurry. There are also no tricks with the 3D. There are no axes, blood, limbs, ETC swinging in your face...just a way too dark screen.

                       Overall...Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter is an incredibly dull film with some good in it. However, there is not enough good to give a recommendation.
(1 and 1/2 out of 5 Stars, The film is rated R for violence throughout and brief sexuality)

Brave Review

                                       Brave is..let me say right of the bat...a very disappointing film. The whole thing feels as if Pixar is being forced to churn out a couple movies a year. Such a legendary animation company but between Cars 2 and Brave...Pixar has gone downhill.

                                        I will say that the introduction is strong...it gives you a good look inside this kingdom and the goings-on of the kingdom. However..then the plot starts. Now I do respect that they did not give away the actual plot in the trailer but that does not make up for how boring it is. It is not witty, not smart, not funny, and certainly not emotional. I will say that the film is beautiful looking but even that is brought down by the 3D.

                                     Now..there is some good in Brave. First off...the voice acting is Immaculate. Kelly Macdonald, Billy Connolly and Emma Thompson all do an excellent job at creating their characters. However..I didn't care for the characters in and of themselves. They were not written well enough to be anything but vacuums.

                                     The whole film is just so boring. The two things I mentioned about are the only two things I can really compliment it on. Brave really has very minimal going for it. The film's attempts to be funny such as Merida's brothers who..as she says "can get away with murder," is just childish. I am sure kids will like this film but they should spare their parents by not dragging them to it.
(2 out of 5 Stars, The film is rated PG for some scary action and rude humor)

Random Blog: My Take on the 2012 Silverdocs

The subject Grace and her mother of Fame High along with the director

                             Another year, another Silverdocs. In this blog, I will take a look at some of my favorite moments from the 2012 Silverdocs along with some disappointing moments. In this blog, I will do The Docs That Rock on great documentaries I saw, Middle Ground on mediocre ones, and Why? on ones that should have never made it to the festival. Naturally, I want my readers to experience the best first so here is The Docs That Rock (in no particular order):
Big Easy Express (2012, Emmett Malloy)-I know I said in no particular order but if you read my review on this one you would have been able to tell it was easily my favorite documentary shown this year. Taking three bands I had never heard of and somehow making me love them was great enough but then giving them chemistry and the fact that the music sounded great on the big screen...Malloy has done great work here.
Fame High (2012, Scott Hamilton Kennedy)-Although I have not done a review on this yet..this was barely beat out by Ann Richards Texas for my second favorite documentary this year. As it is, this delightful film with a nice message following around four incredibly talented and likable high school students was definitely my third favorite of the films I saw this year.
Don't Stop Believin'-Everyman's Journey (2012, Ramona S. Diaz)-I loved the documentary Don't Stop Believin by the incredibly talented Ramona S. Diaz who followed Journey around and documented the success of Journey tribute band lead singer turned actual Journey lead singer Arnel Pineda. Without sugar coating too much (in fact she compliments them just the right amount)..Diaz has made a truly wonderful look at a legendary band.
Ann Richards' Texas(2012, Jack Lofton and Keith Patterson)-A delightfully wacky woman, Ann Richards also knew how to get down to business. This film shows both sides, and I highly praise it for that. Also, the use of archival footage along with many interviews and tons of TV show and movie clips make this an absolute delight to watch.
Bad Brains A Band In DC (2012, Ben Logan and Mandy Stein)-Not putting Bad Brains and especially lead singer HR in the most positive of light, directors Ben Logan and Mandy Stein have succeeded at something that most documentary filmmakers fail to do-tell the truth about their subjects. There is plenty to love about both the group and the movie, however.
Only The Young (2012, Jason Tippet and Elizabeth Mims)-A delightfully offbeat documentary about love and friendship among California teenagers..Only The Young proved that teenagers are not all sex and drugs. The film proves there is something more to teenagers-something deep down in their soul.
Radio Unnameable (2012, Paul Lovelace and Jessica Wolfson)-A very fun documentary about legendary radio personality Bob Fass..this film offers up one of the most interesting concepts I saw. It provides a look into something that has been unfairly neglected for years and does a damn fine job at it. PS, I meant Bob Fass and shook his hand after the show but my phone was dead so I did not get to snap a picture with him.
Photographic Memory (2012, Ross McElwee)-By far the most personal documentary I saw at the Silverdocs.. Ross McElwee's Photographic Memory proves that the audience does not need to know about a subject in order to love the film that the subject is based on. McElwee proves yet again how magical his movies truly are.
Plimpton! Starring George Plimpton As Himself (2012, Tom Bean and Luke Poling)-As a writer myself, Plimpton! was a fascinating documentary..although not as fascinating as some of the others. However, I thoroughly enjoyed this look into a man who didn't just write about his subjects..he lived them.
Middle Ground:
Beware Of Mr. Baker (2012, Jay Bulger)-Although I did not particularly hate this documentary..I was expecting more from a film about someone as wacky and insane as Ginger Baker. The film bored me considering what a legend he is, and I have a feeling it's going to bore most people. Like I said..it's not bad..it's just boring.
The Waiting Room (2012, Peter Nicks)-A somewhat interesting failure..this documentary lacked any real wit or spark to make it enjoyable enough. Director Peter Nicks fills the screen with too much repetition and overall dullness to warrant a recommendation.
Why?: Trash Dance (2012, Andrew Garrison)-Out of all the films that I saw at the Silverdocs...this is the only one I truly despised. The people who run this magnificent festival get a couple thousand entries and have to pick from less than two hundred and this is what they chose? With a dull premise, even worse execution and the same thing being said over and over and over again...Trash Dance is a truly ludicrous film.
                As you can tell...I enjoyed most of the films at Silverdocs this year. In my opinion, it wasn't as good as last year but very close. If anyone involved in the Silverdocs is reading this..I hope you are not offended by my comments on some of these films and even more so I hope you and the rest of my readers enjoyed this blog. See you in 2013 for more Silverdocs!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bad Brains A Band In DC Review

                                Bad Brains A Band In DC reminded me of Michael Rapaport's documentary Beats, Rhymes, and Life. This is because both follow a band around and document them but do not sugar coat anything. This is one of my favorite things to see in a documentary...when the filmmaker(s) has the nerve to put their subject in what is not the best light. I like this because it makes the film more interesting by giving the audience a more in depth look at the subject rather than just seeing their positive side.

                                 As someone who grew up in the DC area..Bad Brains have been one of my favorite bands. This is not only because they are world famous now but because all of their music reminds me of the best Ramones or Sex Pistols songs. Their music is truly that of what is soon to be legends, and their story is interesting as well.

                              The band consists of lead singer HR, guitar player Dr. Know, bass player Darryl Jenifer, and drum player Earl Hudson. The film starts with Jenifer yelling at HR, and HR just sitting there taking it. This is also towards the end of the film. I will not say why this happens, but it is fascinating. For those of you who do not know.. the band believes HR has schizophrenia or something along those lines and it shows in this film. From the first second to the last...the audience is truly disturbed by the way HR acts. No one can act as weird as he does and not have some serious disease.

                             Where the film does succeed is it shows this throughout the film without ever hitting the audience over the head with it. In fact...it finds some humor in this situation. As mean as that may sound..it makes the film entertaining without ever having to be depressing at the same time. This is a good thing as I can not fathom seeing a film about the Bad Brains that is truly depressing or downbeat. 

                              Bad Brains A Band In DC is an excellent documentary. It is fascinating throughout and it never lets up. There are no parts in which I could say the film slowed down or got boring. As an added bonus..the music is fantastic, too. 

(5 out of 5 Stars, The film is not rated but is equivalent to that of a PG-13 for adult themes and suggestive content) 

Plimpton! Starring George Plimpton As Himself Review

                             George Plimpton is one of my favorite journalists. I have missed his writing ever since he died. He was such a fascinating character because he did something that no other journalist had done before. He experienced everything that he was writing about first hand. Some argue that this was quite gimmicky, but I disagree. I think this was a fascinating way to look at journalism through a whole new light. 

                              The new documentary Plimpton! Starring George Plimpton As Himself does justice to this great figure in the writing world, but not as much as it could have. I liked the film, but as a writer myself..this should have fascinated me more. One of my biggest complaints is that it becomes repetitive after a while. I acknowledge that many of Plimpton's friends are dead. These include Hunter S Thompson, Norman Mailer, and William Styron. However, the interviews are (mostly) locked into a very few certain people, and the archival footage all feels the same. This brings the film down, but I still thoroughly enjoyed watching many things about Plimpton that I never knew about him.

                                 At a Q&A after the film...directors Tom Bean and Luke Poling said that "the title fits the film perfectly." I could not agree with this more as they do get narration from Plimpton himself. This was the coolest aspect of the film. While you can go to Youtube and get many interviews with Plimpton..it was cool hearing his voice in a film for a final time.

                                 Plimpton was such a great human being who defied the odds of journalism that I feel as if the film should have been much better. Who am I kidding, though...the film is enjoyable enough to recommend and it explores him in new light which I highly respect. 

(4 out of 5 Stars, The film is not rated but contains nothing that offensive) 

Big Easy Express Review

                       Big Easy Express is going to be a hard film to review. This is due to the fact that I can not quite fit the words together to tell my readers how great this film is. It is the most fantastic film I have seen so far this year. It is delightful in every sense of the word. My love for this film befuddles me. It makes it so I cannot write a straight review for the film.

                        The film follows three bands-Old Crow Magnetic Show, Mumford And Sons, and Edward Sharpe And The Magnetic Zeros. These bands play music throughout the movie..the type of music I generally do not like. However, these three bands are fantastic and seeing it in a movie theater makes the sound perfect. The film is directed by Emmett Malloy, whose only other feature film was the universally panned 2001 comedy Out Cold which he did with his brother, Brendan. I actually kind of liked Out Cold, and this leap from somewhat funny comedy to fantastic documentary shows Emmett's fabulous skills as a director.

                       What I liked about Malloy's style is that he lets the bands do their thing without getting in the way. It's almost as if he said "pretend as if I'm not here..just do what you were going to do anyway." The bands obviously really enjoy one another's company as they show great chemistry throughout the film, and the major fun of the film is watching them perform and compliment each other on their performances.

                        Also, the film treats the bands nicely, but Malloy does not show his bias for these bands. He obviously loves these bands as will the audience after watching this film, but he does not make the film too sticky sweet because of his love for these bands. These are three phenomenal bands put together for one trip...a trip that will go down in my book as one of the best, if not the best documentary I have ever seen.
(5 out of 5 Stars, The film is not rated but has nothing offensive and should be seen by everyone who has a love for music)

Only The Young Review

                          I saw Only The Young at a film festival and one of the festival directors gave an introduction. He said "this film grabs you, but it doesn't grab you in the way you expect." I'm pretty sure I didn't get that right, but that's basically what he said. I tend not to start off with other people's quotes in a review but that was exactly what the film did to me. I am not just saying this because the festival director said it...I'm saying this because it is a truly phenomenal film. It was, in fact...the first great film I have seen at this festival.

                         The film follows Garrison, Skye and Kevin. They are three teenage friends living in California. When Garrison breaks up with Skye..Kevin kisses her. This causes a love triangle among the three. The best thing about this film is that all of the teenagers are likable. I really, really liked all three of these people. The two guys are skateboarders and the female is highly pierced but they're not punks. I got invested in these characters and really started to care for them.

                         Anyone who has ever been a teenager should relate to this film. Anyone who has ever been in a relationship should relate to this film. I have done both of these things, and that's how I know anyone over the age of 13 should relate to this film. It is a truly well made documentary.

                         The other great thing about this film is that you really, truly do not know what is going to happen next. Everything in this film comes at the audience like a bolt of lightning....especially the sad ending.

                         Only The Young is so good in both its execution and idea. Director Jason Tippet obviously had an idea he wanted to document and he got it down to a science, and that is the ultimate testament of a documentary filmmaker.
(4 and 1/2 out of 5 Stars, The film is not rated but has nothing offensive)

Ann Richards' Texas Review

                         If you are even slightly aware of what was happening in the world in the early-middle 90's..you were aware of who Ann Richards was. She had potential to change the world if she was in office for just a bit longer than four years. However, she got run out of office in a race with George W. Bush which she lost. But what I am rambling on about this for? You should already know this and if you don't..go see this film. If you do...still go see this film because it is truly one of the most well made documentaries I have ever seen.

                         Even as someone who does not like politics...I find Richards to be one of the most interesting people of our time and I find her to be very, very funny. The film combines rare footage with clips from TV shows and movies and an incredibly animated opening credits sequence. As the film progresses..just about anyone will find themselves both learning more and being fascinated...no matter how much they know about Richards.

                         Richards was an amazing person, and we get plenty of peoples' perspectives on that here. People such as Dolly Parton, Willie Nelson, and Bill Clinton are thrown in for interviews and all do a fantastic job. The fun of watching these people is that they all either knew or were influenced by Richards in some way. Sometimes they were both simultaneously.

                          Ann Richards' Texas is a joy to watch. It is funny, informative and extremely interesting. Directors Jack Lofton and Keith Patterson do a great job at keeping the flow going and the film moving. I promise anyone who sees this film will enjoy it.
(5 out of 5 Stars,The film is not rated but is equivalent to a PG for brief suggestive content...so go take everyone to see it..it's great)

The Waiting Room Review

                         The Waiting Room is a documentary from Peter Nicks. It explores the American health care system and all the issues that go with it. While this is  potentially an interesting subject to explore..the film, as with Beware of Mr. Baker does not do justice for its subject. The film is very slow and boring and makes the  audience wonder why this couldn't have been explored by a more experienced filmmaker.

                           The stories, including a man with a testicular tumor and a little girl with a supposed infection in her mouth take a while to get off the ground and when they do-they're not interesting at all. I have always said this but the ultimate test of a good documentary to me is whether or not the filmmaker can lure me into their subject whether I am familiar with it or not. Here..Nicks lays it on thick thereby not making it interesting.

                      The main problem with the film is that the characters aren't all that interesting or likable. I suppose I did like the parents of the girl and a couple of the nurses but they're not explored enough to get any sort of momentum going. Also, the film bounces between the characters so much that even with an eighty minute running time...it becomes very, very tiring.

                           Also, the ending is flat. I won't say what happens or what the intention was, but the final line which is supposed to sum up both the intentions and ideas of the film feels dull and unnecessary.

                          I liked the intentions of The Waiting Room significantly more than the execution. While the film does have some fascinating scenes..they are too few and far between. Not that this is a bad film..just one I can't recommend

(2 out of 5 Stars, The film is not rated but is equivalent to that of a PG-13 for adult themes and brief strong language). 

Beware Of Mr. Baker Review

                             Beware of Mr. Baker is a new documentary about the legendary Cream drummer, Ginger Baker. It opens with Baker breaking filmmaker Jay Bulger's nose. This is definitely the wackiest part of the film. This is also a problem. Considering Baker is such a crazy madman....this film is not crazy enough in and of itself. Bulger relies too much on interviews from others rather than from Baker himself. Bulger lived with Baker for quite some time and it does not show here.

                              Ginger Baker changed the face of rock as we know it. He made drumming the important skill that it is today. However, this film does not give him justice. Sure...we get many interviews in which other drummers talk about how much they were influenced by Baker but what we're really getting here is a vanity piece for the director. By this I mean that Bulger squeezes in as many interviews as possible and it ultimately ends up becoming suffocating while the director thinks it's great what he's doing.

                             Also, the film relies too much on quick cuts of animation. The animation is somewhat witty but you can't help but think if the director couldn't have done something else. While the film does pack in many interesting moments individually...it doesn't feel as if it fit together as a whole. This is mostly due to the fact that there was so much animation that it ruined the documentary part of the film.

                             Furthermore....the film features a very minimal amount of music. As a critic...I try not to focus too much on the music in a film but for a film about one of the greatest rock bands of all time...I couldn't help but want more White Room or even Badge.

                             I enjoyed Beware of Mr. Baker slightly. As I said..it does features many interesting moments but at the end of the day...they don't come together as a whole.The film does not do its subject justice, and there's nothing that annoys me more than a documentary that can't give its subject their fair due. I saw this at a film festival in which they asked us to rate the film 1-5, and although I am going to give it 2 and 1/2...I put a 3 on the ballot which means I liked it enough to give it a middling grade. On this ballot, 3 means OK. My thoughts exactly.  
(2 and 1/2 out of 5 Stars, The film is not rated, but is equivalent to that of an R for talk of drugs and sex and overall adult themes)

That's My Boy Review

                   That's My Boy is crude, disgusting and completely tasteless. On top of being all of those things..it is also extremely funny, delightfully twisted, and just a little bit touching. Adam Sandler stars as Donny who gets his high school teacher-Ms. McGarricle (Eva Amurri) pregnant. Donny gets his 15 minutes of fame only to grow up and become a loser. In order to pay back the IRS and not go to jail he visits his son Todd (Andy Samberg) days before he gets married to Jamie (Leighton Meester).

                    What I loved about That's My Boy is that it avoids any life lessons about father-son relationships. Sure, we get a glimpse of that here and there but mostly the film is just about boys being boys. This is Sandler's first R-rated film since Going Overboard which was his first film and a complete disaster. The film definitely earns its R rating with a mix of sex, fart, and jizz jokes-most of which hit the mark perfectly.  The key to this film is Sandler. I never thought I'd say this about another film but Adam Sandler is hilarious. Sporting a weird wig and using a Boston accent is perfect for him. Sandler does come off as a bit of a jerk at first, but there's something oddly sweet about the character of Donny. Also...Samberg gets big laughs as the straight man who happens to get into some pretty messed up situations.

                      However....this film would not be complete without talking about the appearance of the man himself...Vanilla Ice. Ice is hilarious here...poking fun at his ridiculous career and the fact that he's obviously still stuck in the 80's. The supporting cast including Will Forte, Tony Orlando and a laugh out loud cameo by James Caan are also all very good here.

                      The film does come with its problems, though. While I laughed almost as consistently at this as I did at 21 Jump Street or The Dictator....the whole premise felt kind of creepy. The sex with a teacher is played for big laughs, and fails in that department because it's simply not a funny concept. Also, a twist at the end is kind of funny but deals with a very serious and grim subject that does not play out in a very funny manner.

                       Still, while I tried to hate this film as I rarely do...I couldn't help myself. Lord help me I laughed. I laughed long and I laughed hard. That's My Boy may not be the best comedy so far this year but it's certainly one of the best things Sandler has ever done.
(4 out of 5 Stars, The film is rated R for crude sexual content throughout, nudity, pervasive language, and some drug use)

Bel Ami Review

                          If Seinfeld is the definitive show about nothing then Bel Ami is the definitive movie about nothing. It stars Robert Pattinson as Georges Duroy...a man who has sex with the richest woman at the time in London to..well..get rich. There's your plot. It's a film about a male prostitute. Really...there's not much more to it.

                          The main problem with the film, however is that Pattinson is not really a character. He's a jerk that the audience is somehow supposed to root for but he walks and talks exactly like a zombie. Also, the women in the movie including good actresses such as Uma Thurman, Christina Ricci, and the always reliable Kristin Scott Thomas are just eye candy for the men in the audience. This is to say that Pattinson is eye candy for the women, but at least the females in this film act alive. Pattinson obviously has a good actor in him somewhere, but what he doesn't understand is that he can't escape the Twilight saga by acting like Edward Cullen in ancient times. He has to pull a Daniel Radcliffe and give a completely different performance from his most well known character.

                          Also, the film fails at even looking like a period piece. While some characters are dressed old fashioned as if they were actually in early London..some of the characters are dressed too fancy and more importantly modern to feel as if they are in a period piece. For example, a failed attempt at a steamy scene between Thurman and Pattinson features Thurman in an old fashioned dress while Pattinson is dressed in a modern day suit that obviously wasn't invented until somewhere in the 1900's.

                           The film never quite gets off the ground...expecting the audience to feel every little emotion without actually giving us anything to be emotional about. The actors are dull, the script is lazy and the direction is unbearably bleak. Bel Ami is a good film if you want to see a naked Ricci or if you want to see Pattinson's butt for a second, but for nothing more.
(1 and 1/2 out of 5 Stars, The film is rated R for some strong sexuality, nudity, and brief language)

Chernobyl Diaries Review

                        As with Oren Peli's previous film Paranormal Activity-Chernobyl Diaries is advertised as a horror film but plays out more like a thriller. That is actually what I like about Peli's films...they don't have to be particularly scary in order to be good and while this does not quite live up to the level of Paranormal Activity..it's effectively thrilling and very fun.

                       The film starts with four friends...Paul (Jonathan Sadowski), Chris (Jesse McCartney), Natalie (Olivia Dudley) and Amanda (Devin Kelley). Paul decides to go to a seedy tour guide named Uri (Dimitri Diatchenko) and eventually convinces the rest of the gang to visit Chernobyl. They then proceed to get into a series of things that go bump in the night as well as monsters, along with two other tourists (Ingrid Bolso Berdal and Nathan Phillips). The film builds up nicely as the audience does not know what's going to happen next.

                      However, while the build up is nice..that's also what makes the movie bland. The film does not follow one single horror cliche. There's no shaky cam, no jump scares, ETC. This is both a good thing and a bad thing. While it makes the film original...it also makes it a bit more boring than the average horror film. There are many effectively thrilling scenes but they're watered down by the slow moments and the stupid ending. Yes, the ending..while being the only really scary part of the film is pretty dumb. I could not help but walk out of the theater and think "that's all the filmmakers could come up with for the ending?"

                       Still...Chernobyl Diaries is a very fun time at the movies. I am going to go ahead and recommend Chernobyl Diaries assuming my readers are going in with low expectations.  

(3 out of 5 Stars, The film is rated R for violence, some bloody images, and pervasive language) 

Pink Ribbons Inc Review

                      Pink Ribbons Inc is quite the ironic documentary. It is ironic due to the fact that for a movie that is so against product placement of breast cancer...the film itself feels as if it is trying to do as much product placement as possible. This is not to say that the film is not still against this-as they should call it-outrage. Rather, it is to say that the film patterns out specific brands and companies that seem to be in for the cash.

                           The film-for all the obviously smart and experiences interviewees feels like a rushed way to earn a couple of bucks. The film feels as if it is trying to cash in on the controversy of what is really going on with breast cancer awareness. Also-the film feels redundant at many times. The film follows many of the same interviewees but all they do is repeat the same thing. One in particular-Susan Love talks about the companies who donate money to breast cancer for every one of their items bought but who are making a profit from this. This is a very good point-but Love slaps us around with it a few too many times.

                        Also, the film does not show us enough of the women who are promoting this stuff. Sure-we get experts like Samantha King, Love, and Charlene Elliott-but it would have been nice to see more of the women who are fighting for this cause rather than the women who write about the women fighting for this cause. Furthermore-the whole idea is too often promoted neutrally rather than in a negative light. It may be ironic on my own part to say this but if they put the film in a bit more of a negative light it would have been that much more interesting.

                     Pink Ribbons Inc is not a particularly bad film-it is just too uninformative and boring to recommend. There is some good stuff here-I just wish there was more good stuff.

(2 out of 5 Stars, The film is not rated, but is equivalent to that of a PG-13 for adult content and themes) 

Hysteria Review

                     Hysteria is being called "the vibrator movie" by many people. This may be because it is about the man who invented the first electric vibrator. That man is Mortimer Granville (Hugh Dancy)-a doctor who specializes in woman's medical research. His best friend is Edmund (Rupert Everett) and the man who hires him is Dr. Robert Dalrymple (Jonathon Pryce). Robert has two beautiful daughters-Charlotte and Emily (Maggie Gyllenhaal and Felicity Jones). Charlotte is  the troubled daughter while Emily is daddy's little girl. Mortimer immediately falls in love with Emily. Mortimer is also assigned to pleasure women with his hands. After a while, he gets the idea for something that will pleasure women without him getting his hands tired.

                     The film is really about so much more than the invention of the vibrator. In fact-the scene in which Mortimer even comes up with the idea does not occur until a little less than an hour into the film. Dancy is fantastic here. He has always been a really solid actor-but here he brings what could have been a completely shallow character to life. Everett, Gyllenhaal and Jones are also very good here. However, the real standout is Pryce-who gives us an extremely funny and interesting character with whom we actually start to care for even though he is portrayed as a somewhat unlikable character most of the time. 

                   Also, the film features an absolutely hysterical performance from Sheridan Smith playing Molly-a  prostitute turned maid for Robert and her daughters. However, while the performers are great and the story is charming-it lacks any real bite or originality. It is such a funny, enjoyable, and well done film that I suppose I should forget about this. I feel obliged to bring it up, though because I feel as if some people will go in expecting an original, biting satire and they will sadly not get it. The film also slows down a bit in its final scenes which are played out in a rather silly manner.

Hysteria is an often very entertaining comedy. I enjoyed all the references to the fact that it was the late 1800's, but it could have used a bit more. I am going to go ahead and recommend the film for anyone looking for a good time and nothing else.
(3 and 1/2 out of 5 Stars, The film is rated R for sexual content) 

Headhunters Review

                    Headhunters is a very tough to watch thriller from Norway. I mean this in the kindest way possible. It is incredibly tough to watch most of the time, but those moments of increasing difficulty are also what make the film thrilling. The film is about Roger Brown (Aksel Hennie)-a big corporate man who does not bother to tell his wife Diana (Synnove Macody Lund) that he also steals valuable art. One day, Diana introduces him to Clas Greve (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau)-a man who has an extremely valuable piece of art that his grandmother gave to him. Naturally-Roger decides to steal it. That is until Clas figures him out and Roger will do anything to keep it in his hands. 

                   The film-from the first second to the last completely sucked me in. There is not one second in this film where I was not on the edge of my seat. Everything in the film is totally unpredictable. The audience will never know what will happen next. Don't even try guessing, either because nothing happens that can even be guessed. The film never goes into cliche territory, either. It is a completely original piece of work. It is based on a novel by Jo Nesbo which I have never read. However, if the novel is as original and exciting as the film...I will start reading it this second.

             The cast is terrific as well. Hennie and Coster-Waldau are the stars here-giving their characters more depth than they really should have. Even though these are both despicable people..we feel for them due to the fact that the actors make the characters so grounded in reality. These are characters who are realistic because you know people who you hate as much as they hate each other.

There are also some incredible shots. It is beautifully filmed by director Morten Tyldum-who gives it both a creepy and fun atmosphere. The film's final twist comes at the audience like a lightning bolt. It strikes down on the audience and gives them chills for the rest of the day. It is also a very clever twist.

Headhunters is definitely the best film I have seen in the past couple of years. It is one of those thrillers where if you blink-you will completely miss a huge aspect of the film. There is no doubt that this is an excellent film. I will debate anyone who says not for hours.

(5 out of 5 Stars, The film is rated R for bloody violence including some grisly images, strong sexual content and nudity) 

Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted Review

                         I will admit that I did not like the first 2 Madagascar films. I thought they were stupid, pointless, and childish. This is why upon going into Madagascar 3..I was a bit skeptical. Who wouldn't be? Even people who liked the first two admitted to me that the series was running a little thin. However, this is the best one yet. I do not mean this in a condescending way, but rather I mean this in that it is a very good film.

                       The film follows Alex the Lion, Marty the Zebra, Melman the Giraffe and Gloria the Hippo as they go to Monte Carlo to look for the penguins. This time, though they get caught in the middle of a chase with Chantel DuBois..an animal poacher and cop. Now..they must join the circus in order to get back to New York City without getting caught. What I really liked about this film in particular was that..unlike the last 2 Madagascar films..this one was clever. The humor was extremely clever and well set up especially in a scene involving an arrest. Also, the movie is very touching. I know it's a film about cartoon animals, but I somehow felt for these characters...especially towards the end.

                    Chantel makes a great addition to the team as well. She is over the top, but not so over the top that it becomes annoying. Rather, she's funny over the top because her characters points out all the flaws of trying to create a wacky character/

                   Madagascar 3 just goes to show you that movies can change in an instance. Everyone in this film gets their moment to be funny, and the film also has moments where you feel for the characters. I am not saying this is a perfect film...but it's the best thing you're probably going to get from 

Madagascar. 

(4 out of 5 Stars, The film is rated PG for some mild action and rude humor) 

Under The Radar Review #5: Sharp As Marbles

                          Sharp As Marbles is a low budget comedy revolving around three dumb guys who all work at the same video store. It has been unfairly compared to Clerks. I say unfairly because although the plots are the same..the humor is completely different. That is to say that while both are very funny films..Sharp As Marbles presents us with less subtle humor. This actually makes the film as good as Clerks. Also, Sharp As Marbles is filmed on an incredibly low budget while Clerks is slightly low budget.

In fact..on a message board I read the following:
- "Sharp as Marbles" was made for approx. $200,000

- The movie was filmed in twelve days

- The website was paid for entirely by trading the old station wagon from the movie

- Filming was entirely shot within a ten kilometre range (all locations were donated - Thanks, we appreciated it!)

- Willow Video is an actual video store, opened twenty years ago by the writers of "Sharp as Marbles" (It is still in operation today)

- Mr. Hamburger was an actual hamburger stand (Great burgers!). Unfortunately, one month after filming, it was torn down, and is now a parking lot

- The film's diretor, John Banovich, is a spokesperson for MADD (Mothers Against Drunk Drivers), and has donated his time to filming several award winning commercials for them

- The "Sharp as Marbles" theme song was co-written by Adam Gregory (Albert from the movie) in between filming (Copyright IMDB, User name Ericvillo).

                        This came from an actual producer on the film, and considering all this stuff...it still stands as a very funny film. The three main characters..Albert (Gregory), Ernie (Simeon Taole), and George (Sean O. Roberts) are all very sweet and funny. In fact..this film is very touching as well. There are many scenes I thoroughly remember from this film although I have not seen the film for at least a year now.

                         I have always wanted to revisit Sharp As Marbles...it's funny ,touching, and the writing is way sharper than marbles. I highly recommend it to anyone looking for a good, innocent time. The film is available for $3 (that includes shipping) on Amazon..so go buy it..now.

Under The Radar Review #4: Drive In

                          Yes...no one has ever heard of Drive In. Perhaps that is a good thing. With a movie filmed on a budget of what could be no more than two dollars and a poorly acted and directed set up..this is a film many people will not enjoy. I find some strange charm in it though. Perhaps it is because I enjoy all those cheesy Roger Corman  pictures and all those (admittedly) terrible Troma horror films. Drive In is personally one of the most enjoyable horror films I think I have seen in a while. 

                        Why did I watch this film..you may ask. Well..I was cleaning out my basement and picking through my old  VHS tapes when I saw that I had this. I am supposing I bought it years ago and never got to watching it. Anyway..the cover, along with the tagline grabbed my eye. I then read the synopsis on the back. It told of how it was about a guy who is confined to his house goes on a killing spree at the drive in theater across from his house. I decided to watch it.

                         That guy is Billy...a mentally challenged man who has had enough and decides to kill everyone in sight. The film, as with another film I will do one of these reviews on later on was filmed on all donated property (or at least I assume.) The film was obviously shot as some of the actor's houses and other locations that required no money. Just from the opening credits you are able to tell how low budget this film is. This is, however part of the charm.

                         No one in this movie is well known. In fact, the only slightly well known person in this film played Ricky..Jamie's admirer in Not Another Teen Movie. You read that right. With an ending that will upset most, poor acting, poor directing, and a terrible script...I will not say Drive In is a good movie but it is one of the most enjoyable I will ever see. You can get Drive In on DVD for about $5 (that includes shipping) on Amazon. It is currently a short wait to get the DVD on Netflix. If you are skeptical about this film...just buy it anyway..you are more likely to enjoy it solely for its low budget than not.  

Not Too Shabby Review #2: Ishtar

                       Elaine May has done many a panned film but none as universally so as Ishtar. From its opening day in the theater to its home video release...you will be able to see this on all the worst lists. However, I have always found something particularly charming about this piece of work. Much like many other films of its kind...it's charming  in some sort of weird, fascinating way. This is not to say I will not admit that the film is bad...just that it is a film I enjoy quite a bit. 

                     Everyone knows the story...two Simon and Garfunkel wannabes named Lyle (Warren Beatty) and Chuck (Dustin Hoffman) travel to the desert and end up getting lost in it. There is actually much more to the story than that but there's the basic lay out for you. There is nothing wrong with this film. It may sound boring and tedious, but seeing Beatty and Hoffman play off each other is wonderful. While this may not be the epic pairing that some may hope for..I could not have asked for more from Beatty and Hoffman working with such a bad script.

                   Also, the supporting cast including Charles Grodin, Tess Harper, and Carol Kane are all great here. These are talented people who know what they are doing, and do so. The problem that many people have with this film I believe is the script. It is such a bad idea for a story..I will concur. However, I will also admit that the talented cast elevates much of the material to entertaining levels. Also, the direction by May is very strange but fun..giving the film a certain visual look that has never been seen in film since then.

                 Ishtar is not a bad film. Rather..it's a misunderstood one. Sure..the idea is awful, but it's a perfectly fun film that many people do not understand the intentions of. There is something I find enjoyable about this film and that I like about this film. I may never fully understand what that something is, but I can certainly say I really like this film.

For Greater Glory Review

                             It is almost unbelievable, I must say. That is it is unbelievable to see a film so boring, so lifeless, with so little happening. For Greater Glory might be the worst film I have ever seen. It certainly beats out John Carter and Wrath of the Titans as the worst film of the year. With such a solid year when these are the only three films I have given zero stars, I could not believe this cast was sucked into such garbage. The film is the true story of the Cristeros War in which Mexicans fought against their government. 

                        Andy Garcia stars as Enrique Gorostieta Velarde...a general  who fought for the Mexicans. Garcia is terrible here. As is Eva Longoria as Tulita, Enrique's wife who is highly religious. In fact..the only good actor in this film is Peter O'Toole as Father Christopher..a very nice man who befriends Jose (Mauricio Kuri). However, Father Christopher gets killed within fifteen minutes of the film. I mention this not to spoil anything, but to point out that the only good character is not in it..at all.

                           There is nothing going for this film. In fact, the direction is some of the blandest and weirdest (not in a good way) I've seen this side of anything by Uwe Boll. Also, the script is so cheesy and stupid with the worst dialogue I have heard since a Friedberg-Seltzer film. For Greater Glory is terrible...it has not one redeeming quality. I'd rather see The Tree of Life, Wrath of the Titans, and John Carter all in one sitting than watch For Greater Glory again. Yes....it is that bad.

(0 out of 5 Stars, The film is rated R for war violence and some disturbing images) 

Men In Black 3 Review

                          Yes, this film was totally and completely unnecessary and yes, this film is also a fun addition to the Men In Black cannon.  Will Smith returns as Agent J who wakes up  one morning to find that Agent K is gone. K was originally played by Tommy Lee Jones who has a brief appearance here as him. However, Josh Brolin plays K here and has him down to a science. It was almost as if I was watching Jones in Rolling Thunder or Eliza's Horoscope again. 

                         Men In Black 3 also features some standout performances. Brolin is a good example of this while Michael Stuhlbarg absolutely steals every scene he is in as Griffin-an alien disguised as a human who has the uncanny power of telling the future. As well, Jermaine Clement plays Boris The Animal-the main villain of the film. Boris is an alien who escapes from jail and..well..you'll have more fun if you don't know the rest.

                      There are some stunning uses of 3D in the film. 3D is a great addition to a film when used properly, and even though the stunning uses of 3D are far between each other...the 3D is always a plus during the film. One of the best uses of 3D in this film is during the time jump scene. This is when J has to jump off a really high building in order to travel back in time. While 3D can be used for much more besides making stuff jump out of the screen, such as making the film more colorful or more beautiful...the time jump scene is the perfect stuff popping out at you moment. 

                        Men In Black 3 could have easily been very recyclable. Ten years since the second one..this could have just felt like a cash grab. However, the film is both funny and touching. Yes..I said touching. Don't believe me? Well...see the film until the end and tell me you didn't get choked up like I did at that final scene.

(4 out of 5 Stars, The film is rated PG-13 for sci-fi action violence and brief suggestive content)

Piranha 3DD Review

                          The great thing about the first Piranha was that it knew what it was. It was a stupid 3D film that was actually more of a comedy than it was a horror film. Now-the killer fish return for a sequel that lives up to the charm and fun of the first. Going into this film-you have to remember that this film is Piranha 3DD. Citizen Kane it ain't. It's a fun time to view in the theater, and although I do not approve of underage drinking-the teens this movie is aimed at might want to guzzle down a few cold ones before stepping anywhere near the theater.

                       The film stars Danielle Panabaker-a horror film kind of girl as Maddy. You may know Panabaker from such other horror films as The Crazies and Friday The 13TH Remakes. Maddy is the appalled stepdaughter of Chet (David Koechner-who can improve any movie just by being on the set.) Chet owns a water park called Big Wet, which he has essentially turned into a strip club. As opening day gets closer and closer, however, those piranhas want a chomp at more horny, teenage flesh. 

                                 The film may even be better than the first one in that this one is even wackier than the first one. People may argue me on this claiming that it is tamer than the first, but then they will see the scene with Ving Rhames at the end and automatically change their minds. The 3D is used well here, mostly due to the fact that a cheesy movie like this is what 3D is meant for. Too many serious movies nowadays try to use 3D and it does not work because..well..it's a serious film. That doesn't happen here. That is to say it works. The film also features a hilarious performance by Koechner, and all too short cameos by Christopher Lloyd, Gary Busey, and David Hasselholf. Also, when a ginger boy does not recognize Hasselholf from anything, and he becomes so desperate to be recognized he says "Spongebob?..." I was rolling in the aisles. Now..what more could you ask for from a movie about killer fish? 

(4 and 1/2 out of 5 Stars, The film is rated R for sequences of strong bloody horror violence and gore, graphic nudity, sexual content, language, and some drug use) 

Where Do We Go Now Review

                                 Where Do We Go Now has a very interesting premise. It's the Muslims VS. the Christians in a village in Lebanon. Where Do We Go Now also has one of the weirdest bits of execution I've seen all year. While the film tries hard to bounce back between comedy and drama-the heavy handed moments make us forget we have even laughed. Also, the film never is daring enough to plainly point out the message it is trying to convey.

                                 The film features some interesting moments, but those are too far and in between and the interesting moments fall slave to the less than desirable acting and writing. I will confess that I liked the first musical number between two characters, but after the fact the music just felt like an excuse to make the film longer. Also, the characters never really develop to a satisfying degree. Perhaps I should blame the performers for that. They never get into their characters or fully flesh them out.

                                  The film also features a weak plot point in which the women of the village bring in women dressed in sleazy clothes to tempt the men. This brings to the light the (mostly) pathetic attempt at comedy. These women are out of place, and the men love them anyway.However, nothing happens that is funny with this. Sure-the sucking up of the men could be funny to a certain demographic. Perhaps a demographic of men who do this everyday or women who have had this experience. I am neither of these people, so I just found it lame.

                                   I will acknowledge that a good chunk of people who will see this film will enjoy it. I can see the demographic within the film. However, Where Do We Go Now does not make us of the premise at hand, and after a while ends up just become really boring. I would recommend Where Do We Go Now for people who are looking for a film that is heavy on drama with some comedy mixed in. As a film critic, I try to see films for what they are, but this was far too heavy handed for my taste.
(2 out of 5 Stars, The film is rated PG-13 for thematic drug material, some sensuality and violent images)