One For The Money Review

One For The Money is based on an ever so popular series of books by Janet Evanovich, and is about Stephanie Plum, a lingerie saleswoman turned bounty hunter. Plum is played by Katherine Heigl in a charming little performance. The movie, as well, is pretty charming. It's just too bad that the movie's plot stinks. With such an entertaining film to display, I really wanted to like this film, but the plot ultimately brings it down too much. This film has the smelly scent of The Bounty Hunter, the awful 2010 Midnight Run rip off with Gerard Butler and Jennifer Aniston.  I'm not just saying this because they're both about bounty hunters..I'm saying this because they have the exact same plot and tell the exact same jokes, but One For The Money just does it a lot better. Jason O Mara and Daniel Sunjata are also quite charming here as well, showing off their funny sides when they are mostly dramatic actors. One For The Money is too cliche to be good, but also too charming to be bad, it's just a middle of the road type of flick that misses the mark by that much.

Man On A Ledge Review

Why do movies with a lot of potential always seem to be the most disappointing? Well, I honestly don't know. Man On A Ledge has a good premise, a very good supporting cast, and a likable lead all wrapped up into one. However, Man On A Ledge is also a pretty stupid and boring film. This film feels like it's trying too hard to be cool and up to date, and not only manages not to do that, but manages to be pretty corny and uncool. All the talented cast, from Sam Worthington as the escaped criminal to Jamie Bell as his brother to Ed Harris as the bad guy to Kyra Sedgwick as a report to Elizabeth Banks and Edward Burns as cops are wasted here. All of the cast is either wasted in small roles, like Harris or Sedgwick, or are given pitiful lines, such as Burns, Banks and Bell. Worthington is wasted here considered he has a ton of talent, but at least he's good unlike the rest of the cast. Also, director Asger Leth doesn't use the scenario to its best effect, not showing us enough scenes where we feel scared for him. The whole film is totally unrealistic, as well. It's unrealistic in the way that stuff that would never happen in real life conveniently happens in this film for no reason. Man On A Ledge is a alright movie, but nothing to write home about. It's best for a boring Saturday night with nothing else to do.

Haywire Review

Haywire stars MMA fighter Gina Carano as a spy who's been betrayed by her organization. Haywire is also directed by Steven Soderbergh, the brilliant mind behind such films as The Limey, Out Of Sight, Traffic, ETC. Soderbergh is also the not so brilliant mind behind Ocean's Twelve, Full Frontal, The Girlfriend Experience, ETC. However, Haywire is one of Soderbergh's best films to date. With a premise so riddled with cliches, I was expecting to not like this film very much at all. Maybe it's because I had such low expectations that I ended up really enjoying the film. With some of the best action scenes I've seen in years and a surprisingly complex and building plot, I thoroughly enjoyed Haywire. It's only the beginning of January, and I have already found a great film. Haywire is funny, smart, and overall, just a cool movie. Also, all the performances, from Michael Douglas to Channing Tatum to Ewan McGregor are great. I feel obliged to mention as well that Carano, in her first starring role ever, is exquisite. Without a doubt, Haywire should be seen by anyone who loves action movies or a good mystery.

Jodaeiye Nader az Simin (A Seperation) Review

Jodaeiye Nader az Simin, or A Separation is the newest film from Iran. It's about a couple named Simin and Nader who want a divorce because of their differences. This leads to Simin leaving and Nader having to take care of his elderly, Alzheimer's-stricken father by himself. Nader hires a caretaker who's pregnant and, well see the damn thing for yourself. I say see this for yourself for two reasons which are (1) I could easily spoil the twists in the film by explaining the rest of the plot and (2) this movie is phenomenal. A Separation is the type of foreign film that will most likely and undeservedly not draw the attention of many people. This film is the type of film in which I have trouble explaining its brilliance. The film is a powerful, amazingly told story. The acting is phenomenal from everyone, and the pacing is brilliant. With most foreign films, they don't care about keeping the audience's attentions all that much, so they have their film move at a very poky pace. I have nothing wrong with this, but that's why a lot of people won't see foreign films. Well, that and reading the subtitles. With this being said, the film is very nicely, and quickly paced, and you won't even feel like you're reading subtitles because you'll be enjoying the film so much. I beg of anyone with even the mildest sense of what a good movie is to go see A Separation. It's a phenomenal film, and one that everyone should see at least once.

Joyful Noise Review

Maybe I shouldn't be so tough on a movie that tried to be so feel good and innocent. Oh well. Joyful Noise is a perfect example of a January release. The studio did not want audience seeing their crap, so they threw it in smack-dab in the middle of January. Why did studios not want people to see Joyful Noise, which brings Queen Latifah and Dolly Parton back on the big screen after both of them have had a long break from the silver screen? Why did the studios not wanting people to see a film that means well and introduces fresh, young faces? I can answer that question. The studios did not want people seeing this because it is syrupy in the worst kind of way. This film condescends its audience with its sappiness, and therefore does not really do anything but bore.  Sure, some people will enjoy the music, and if you like stories that are completely cliched, they'll enjoy the story as well.  Neither of these things are for me, or most people. Also, I feel obliged to point out there is some unrealistically convenient stuff that happens in this movie. You'll be able to see what I'm talking about if you can make it to the end without being overwhelmed by the sappiness of it. Dolly Parton might as well make Rhinestone 2, and Queen Latifah might as well make Taxi 2 if this is the kind of movie they're trying to come back to the silver screen in. Joyful Noise is not a particularly bad movie as you can feel it trying to do something good, but it's a dull one and a really, really cliche one.

The Iron Lady Review

Meryl Streep is one of my favorite actresses. In fact, she has been for years, so has Jim Broadbent been one of my favorite actors for years. Here, she plays famous British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher and he plays her husband, Dennis. This is a good example of the famous phrase "find the needle in the haystack." While, as expected, Streep and Broadbent are both phenomenal, the film is so dreary and dull you almost can't acknowledge the performances as brilliant, which they are. The Iron Lady is not a complete failure nor is it a terrible film, it's just told in such a boring way that most people will be bored to tears by it. Then again, who am I to speak for the people who are going to see it? Streep is perfect here, and that might make it good, or even great for some people. The Iron Lady makes its way to an extremely, almost non-debatable uneventful finale, however. The last 30 minutes feels like they needed to tack on some stuff to make it a feature length film. The Iron Lady is Meryl Streep's show. However, it is no show to write home about.

Beauty And The Beast 3D Review

Beauty And The Beast is one of my favorite movies of all time. It's funny, it's touching, it's just plain old classic Disney. However, the new 3D re-release of it was made for a quick buck or two, I suppose. In this, the new version of the classic tale, you put your glasses on and the screen gets blurry. It's a beautiful film to look at in 2D, but the 3D gets in the way of all the beauty (no pun intended) and all the magic of the film. This is the most unnecessary conversion to 3D I have ever seen, old or new. I would say take your little kids to see this to experience it in the theater, but the 3D is so bad, it would be cheaper and more acceptable to just buy the blu ray for $20. While Beauty And The Beast remains an all time classic, nothing is sacred when it comes to 3D, and this proves that fact even more.

Pariah Review

Pariah stars Adapero Oduye as Alike, a young woman who has grown up to be lesbian and lives with a very dysfunctional family. The character of Alike can be compared to the character of Precious in that they're both outcasts in a cruel world. However, Precious is not a lesbian and Alike does not have as abusive a mom. Pariah, without a doubt, is a good film, but it's no Precious. Precious had a certain power to it while Pariah goes for a good amount of humor and then tries to sneak in the power on you to make you be surprised. As I was sitting in the theater for Pariah, I was enjoying myself but I didn't particularly feel like Alike was a character to feel bad for. Unlike Precious, Alike is smart and has a couple of friends. Alike is not, as the title suggests, a complete pariah. Sure, this movie is funny in parts and emotionally satisfying to a degree, but we are supposed to feel some kind of pity for this character that we just don't. I enjoyed the film while I was watching it, but I didn't feel like Alike was a pariah. I also felt this film went for the humor of the situation a little bit too often. For example, there is a scene is which Alike tries on a strap-on. The audience I was sitting at was cracking up, but I wasn't. I might of felt a little worse for Alike had they not tried to put humor in moments where we could potentially feel bad for her. Pariah is a good movie, but don't go in expecting a mild tearjerker like the trailers lead you to believe because it's just not happening.

In The Land of Blood And Honey Review

When an actor turns first time film director, they usually try to make a film that doesn't offend the masses. This can be seen with big films such as Ben Stiller with Reality Bites and smaller films such as Jon Favreau's very underrated debut Made. However, Angelina Jolie with her first time writing, directing, and her second time producing (her first time was with an unknown 2005 drama called Lovesick,) decided to take a very controversial foray into film making. Jolie has decided to make In The Land Of Blood And Honey, a film about The Bosnian War, which lasted from April 1992 to December 1995, and involved things such as rape, murder, and religious segregation, all of which are depicted very strongly in this film. Jolie has made a very uncomfortable film to watch but a film that, if you can get past your extreme discomfort level while watching a man ask a woman if she can f*** when she says she can knit, or watch a woman get kicked half to death when she tries to escape, you will see what a powerful and excellent film this is. The film is 2 hours long and completely subtitled, which may bore some people. In my theater even, 95% of the audience was bored and 100% (myself included) were grossed out by a lot of the stuff we were watching. This film is not for everybody as you may have already guessed. If you like foreign films and films like Salo, Martyrs, or Irreversible, you will like this film. In The Land of Blood And Honey is not a good time, and no one will find it to be a fun film, but it's a film you should see for the performances and for the powerful story that everyone should be aware actually happened.

The Artist Review

Yes, The Artist is nearly wordless. Yes, The Artist is in black and white. And yes, The Artist is a magical, brilliant, masterful throwback to the age of silent films. The Artist is written and directed by Michel Hazanavicius, a man who you should give props to for making a film that is so daringly old time. The Artist is about an actor named George Valentin (Jean Dujardin) and a romance he begins with a woman named Peppy Miller (Berenice Bejo). Also, this film is about so much more than that. By taking something so old, from way back in the day, director Hazanavicius has made something so new and lively. Dujardin gives an absolutely Oscar worthy performance, not speaking and yet conveying so many emotions and giving off so much information about his character. Bejo also gives a delightful performance as an aptly named woman who has excellent chemistry with George. The Artist is also a beautiful film to look at. The black and white really gives the film a nice old look and feel to it. With all my praise about The Artist, you might think it's going to be a weekly thing for me to watch it. However, it will not. It will not because it's a movie you have to see in the theater to truly get the magic of. One of the main sources of magic in this film is watching this film and feeling like you're watching a movie in an old time theater and seeing all the beautiful imagery on the big screen. Without this, The Artist has lost some of its magic. The Artist is a phenomenal piece of film making from a director whose only other line of work has been from directing the James Bond spoofs that go by the name of OSS 117. The director and the new, fresh line of actors in this film are, however, going to be huge stars. I implore you to go see The Artist right away and in the theater because you'd be doing yourself a disservice if you didn't.

Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy Review

Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy perhaps requires a large soda and a good sized bag of candy to keep you fully invested. Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy also, in more ways than one can keep you totally invested if you're completely into it. Gary Oldman plays George Smiley, a veteran who is released from partial retirement to find a mole in British Intelligence. This leads to a very confusing, albeit gripping and suspenseful thriller. Oldman is terrific here, playing it with both a creepy and slick style. As is the rest of the cast, including Tom Hardy, Colin Firth, John Hurt, ETC. However, remember this is an ensemble piece, so, while Oldman is the star, everyone else shares screen time pretty equally. Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy also benefits a lot from its set up. Just like any good mystery, you don't know how it's going to turn out, and you really really really want to know. This film is not for everybody..if you have a short attention span, are not good at putting the pieces of a figurative puzzle together, ETC, then you will most likely be bored and confused. However, Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy is a great film for anyone who can be fully engaged in an over 2 hour long mystery without zoning out for even the slightest second.

Carnage Movie Review

I'll be the first to admit...I was very hesitant about seeing Carnage. Sure, it has a great cast that is supported by a wonderful director, but I was afraid the film, even at a mere 80 minutes might drag a lot. With that being said, it turns out Carnage is a very very very funny film. Director Roman Polanski keeps us in one space with two sets of couples bickering and works magic on it. Polanski shows us the inner workings of New York City life through the eyes of 4 people who are just getting sick of each other. Also, it's not just because of the wonderful director but also because of the outstanding work by this very talented cast that this movie works so well. Foster, after having a bomb with The Beaver (which by the way, I liked) proves she can bounce right back delivering a very even mix of funny and sympathetic. Reilly is hilarious like always as is Waltz, who proved he can be pretty funny in The Green Hornet but didn't prove he could be half as funny as he is here. Also, Winslet does a good job of playing the bitchy person among these 4, but she's always, in some ways, the most down to earth. As for the film in and of itself..I never felt it dragging and it had me cracking up throughout. Another reason I liked this film so much is because it gives us something we're rarely provided with in film anymore, and that's smart, sophisticated comedy that makes you think about what's going on to fully get about 98% of the jokes. Carnage is a great movie if you're tired of the dumbed down so called comedies Hollywood is releasing now a days. 

The Darkest Hour Movie Review

                               
How do I describe, or hell, even interpret a movie as soulless, as boring, as badly acted, as badly directed, as mean spirited, and as cliche as The Darkest Hour? Well, to answer my own question, I might describe it as the worst film of 2011, or as one of the worst films I've ever seen period. Actually, I think I'll describe it as both. The Darkest Hour is over before it even begins as two slimy businessmen get shut down by a big, evil company in Moscow, and after a long night of partying wake up to discover not a hangover but an alien attack. These two businessmen are played by Emile Hirsch and Max Minghella, and the women they must fight off these monsters with are Olivia Thirbly and Rachael Taylor. What are such talented people in doing a movie that deserves nothing but an appalling review? Hirsch, especially, so good as Chris McCandless, a normal city boy turned woodsman in Into The Wild phones it in to an enormous degree here. The film is in 3D, and I still can't figure out why. There is no reason this film should be in 2D, more or less 3D. Also, this film is the closest I've ever seen a film get to unintentionally hilarious without actually getting to that point. The reason  I found no accidental enjoyment out of this film is that the film itself believes everyone in the audience is an idiot, and doesn't even try. It's true, I felt like an idiot sitting there just having wasted $13, but the audience, while feeling like idiots for paying for this film, are not idiots in and of themselves. The Darkest Hour will be used for two purposes once it deservedly flunks at the box office (or at least I hope it does)-to entertain people with the highest of mental disabilities in institutions and to show film students and up and coming actors how not to make a movie. This is the worst film of 2011 by far, and I beg of you not to see it.

The 10 Worst Films Of 2011

I'd like to start with the worst list so, in case you get bored with my writing (which I truly hope you don't,) you can avoid these movies as much as possible. These films are on this list primarily because I had minimal to maximum hope and everywhere in between for all of them. This is also why films like Jack And Jill and The Twilight Saga Breaking Dawn Part 1 did not make the list. So without further ado..here are the 10 biggest stinkers of 2011..(10) Mr. Popper's Penguins-I think Jim Carrey can be a tremendously funny guy (just take Liar Liar or The Mask) and a really solid actor (take The Truman Show or Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind) and I like the supporting cast in this film including Carla Gugino and Phillip Baker Hall. Also, I read the best selling book on which this film was based upon over and over again as a kid and I still love the book to this day. With all this being said, I did not get the nostalgic funny film I wanted but rather a bunch of penguins pooping and Jim Carrey being Robin Williams annoying. This film is only at number 10 because I watched it with a big crowd and all the kids in the crowd seemed to enjoy it, but then again one of the kids in the crowd also picked his nose and ate it, so I don't know who this movie appeals to. (9) Killer Elite-I had high hopes for this one as it's a classic line up of actors-Jason Statham, Clive Owen and Robert De Niro. However, this film was not very good. This film proves that Statham was born to play the same role a thousand times, that Owen is not fit for a hardcore action film, and that De Niro will do anything for a paycheck now a days (see #7 for another example of De Niro's desperation).Killer Elite is a boring action film that goes nowhere with its plot, is way too long and wastes the talents of 3 excellent actors. Killer Elite is also a rather cliched action film, going everywhere you expect it to go, and nowhere else. This film is a perfect example of wasted talent. Sure, all the other films on this list waste their talented actors as well, but this is by far the most dull film of 2011 as well, which is why it's on this list.(8) I Don't Know How She Does It-Although this film, even before I saw it, had the most accurate title of any film this year due to the fact that I don't know how Sarah Jessica Parker gets to play the same character in every movie, I still thought this could be entertaining. A talented supporting cast including Kelsey Grammer, Greg Kinnear, Pierce Brosnan, and Seth Meyers was here to back Parker up. However, this film, even with that supporting cast was really bad. It reminded me of a bad relationship..you don't like the person you're dealing with, and you just want it to end. While I did not want to gouge my eyes out during this film, I did want to put earplugs in because of Sarah Jessica Parker's constant yapping about nothing. Also, all of the supporting cast is taking a real back seat to Parker, and get hardly any screen time, and when they do, they get tossed lame things to say. I Don't Know How She Does It is a film that is not made for anyone. It is a weird potpourri of chick flick antics, sitcom going ons, and humor that is presumably intended for men but doesn't work, and that is why it's on this list. (7) New Year's Eve-With too many plots to explain, this is the surprisingly 2nd Robert De Niro film to pop up on this not so prestigious list. New Year's Eve is a super waste of talent, with everyone from Jon Bon Jovi to Halle Berry to Josh Duhamel phoning it in and hoping that this will be their last desperate paycheck. Nothing's more depressing than seeing a whole slew of talented actors making a mess out of their careers, and a talented director like Garry Marshall supporting them. There are also a few surprise cameos from talented people that are just downright lame. New Year's Eve is a follow up to Valentine's Day which makes me wondering if Marshall will waste more talented faces in Memorial Day. (6) The First Movie-One of the most boring and messy films I've ever seen, this is a film that should be interesting and well made because it's about the magic of movies, something everyone loves. This film is 70 minutes of pure torture, with a wanna be Werner Herzog named Mark Cousins. I will confess, this film came out in 2009, but I did not see it until 2011 at a film festival, so I'm putting it on this list. I mention that I saw it at a film festival because every one of the 15 films I saw at this film festival got at least a little round of applause at the end, except for this film, proving how undeniably boring this film is. (5) Red Riding Hood-Red Riding Hood is a film that ruins a classic fairy tale by pulling Twilight into the mix. It is a film that tries to be something fresh and cool, but it just ends up being a typical film that also happens to ruin something great. Amanda Seyfried is horrible, as is the rest of the very talented cast. It is a film in which nothing happens and no demographic is appealed to. There is also a laughably bad scene in which they recite the "better to eat you with my dear" back and forth from the Little Red Riding Hood story. That point is when I said this is horrible, and almost left the theater. I actually would have had their not been only about 30 minutes left in the film. (4) Creature-Sid Haig is a creepy dude, and by that I mean Sid Haig is one of the creepiest actors I've ever seen. The fact that he was starring in Creature gave me hope. Just like my #3 pic, the star of the film was the only reason I wanted to see it. Creature, however, is a humilatingly awful film that tries for b-movie horror fun mixed with stupid teenagers horror fun, but does not get anywhere close to either. This film literally just sits in its own pile of filth hoping that some miracle will come along and improve it. That miracle sadly does not come along. While Sid Haig is enormously creepy most of the time, in this film he's laughably corny as is the rest of the cast. (3) Bucky Larson Born To Be A Star-I had barely any hope when I heard they were making yet another comedy about the porn industry. The only hope I had was in the talented cast, including the very funny Nick Swarsdon, the talented Stephen Dorff, and the adorable Christina Ricci. With that being said, this film is atrocious. This film, while supposedly trying to be a comedy, scores zero laughs. It is a lifeless film that no one should pay to see. There are no redeeming qualities to this film, which is why I say throwing your money down the drain is a significantly smarter idea then paying to see this film. Bucky Larson Born To Be A Star should be shipped off to the moon because no one here on earth should see this film. (2) The Tree Of Life-What do I say about a film so lifeless, so soulless, so unwatchable, so badly acted, so everything that makes a film terrible? I understand that a lot of people like, hell, even love this film, but I must ask why? The Tree Of Life is a film that goes on for two and a half hours and shows the creation of the world, as well as a boring family drama. While this film had a lot of potential, it missed the mark in every way possible. The Tree Of Life is badly acted by its talented cast, and bored the living hell out of me. In the theater in which I saw The Tree Of Life, a couple walked out an hour into the film, and I was jealous of them. When a film makes me want to walk out of the theater with other people, you know it's bad. (1) The Darkest Hour-Emile Hirsch and Olivia Thirbly star in this film, which should be a metaphor of the ultimate downfall of Hollywood. When two very talented young actors like these are in a film like this, it shows what movies have come to. The Darkest Hour is only about 80 minutes long, but it feels like a full day. It is god-awful in its acting, plot, execution, directing, and everything else. It is as boring of a film you can get while being completely over the top, and it is also as cliche a film as you can get while being shockingly bad. Everything about The Darkest Hour is horrible, and makes me want to vomit. The 3D, as well, is really bad in that you can't see what's going on in the film with the 3D. I did not see this film in 2D, so it might just be the film, but either way never see this film. It's not just the worst movie of 2011, but of 2000-2011.