Here's something not so new...a film that manages to both mock and become the very thing that it has no desire to be. Vampire Academy has one goal in mind---to bash the ludicrous nature of the Twilight films. However, this film falls victim to forgetting what it wants to be about and just doing whatever it wants. It is in this instance (which comes about ten minutes into the film) that this bad mouthing of films about bloodsuckers made for screaming teenage girls becomes a film about bloodsuckers made for screaming teenage girls. That's not to say that this isn't 100 times better than all of the Twilight films combined. In actuality..it totally is. However, I am truly saddened by this film because there's people of genuine talent making it. Director Mark Waters directed the excellent high school comedy Mean Girls and writer Daniel Waters (yes...they are brothers) wrote the equally fantastic 80s high school comedy Heathers. As well...talented actors such as Gabriel Byrne, Olga Kurylenko and Sarah Hyland quickly show up and collect their paycheck without adding any pizzazz to the film. It's hard to think so many extremely talented people who should really know better made such a mediocre film.
The film follows Rose (Zoey Deutch) and Lissa (Lucy Fry) as they escape from the school for bloodsuckers that they are forever confined to only to get caught and go back. Then, in a series of plot points too ridiculous for me to even type without losing all of my pride as a human being...Rose and Lissa have to find a mysterious figure who is attempting to take them down.
Where this film went wrong goes in so many types of directions it's hard to even explain just one. Perhaps the biggest sin here is that no one is really trying. Taking an easy day's paycheck is one thing but making it seem as if you're sleepwalking through the entire film shoot is another. No one here even seems to be aware they're in a film. While Deutch and Fry make extremely good eye candy...this is no more than a film without a leg to stand on. The whole plot is drawn out to the point of madness with every minute becoming less mysterious and growing significantly more tedious. There's even a love interest between Rose and her instructor (Danilla Kozlovsky) that feels way more creepy than it does sweet.
I liked the idea of jabbing every stupid film of this kind with a stake through the heart behind Vampire Academy. However, it never worked and in turn became almost as unbearable as the thing that it very tries to make fun of. I can't say I hated this film with a passion. I can say, however that there's no reason to ever see this film and that no one will remember this existed come March.
(1 out of 5 Stars, The film is rated PG-13 for violence, bloody images, sexual content and language)
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