Wednesday, January 18, 2017

Ten Worst Films Of 2016!!!!

Arguably, having to sit through these films was not the worst thing to happen to me in 2016. However, this was a truly dreadful year for film in a lot of ways. Films that didn't even make the cut include Shut In, Warcraft, American Pastoral, Masterminds and Blair Witch among others. The only reason there aren't more dishonorable mentions is because I took  a bit back for myself this year. I managed to skip Allegiant, Independence Day Resurgence and Alice Through The Looking Glass among others. So without further ado, here are the worst of the worst of 2016.

(10) Man Down
Doing a PTSD war drama is admittedly a good and well intentioned idea and casting Shia LaBeouf as the lead was a surprisingly good choice. However, Man Down was lame and boring in more ways than I could count. It's not as cynical as most on this list, which is why it's only at 10 but it was too dull not to put on.

(9) The Choice
I have defended Nicholas Sparks adaptations time and time again but The Choice bored me to tears. That's saying something when there's both Alexandra Daddario and Teresa Palmer to look at on screen.

(8) London Has Fallen
The most morally reprehensible film of the year, London Has Fallen should have never been made and I'm already done talking about this despicable piece of trash.

(7) The Boy

One of many pathetic (but not the most) attempts at horror from this year, The Boy bored me to tears. That's saying something when there's Lauren Cohen to look at on screen.

(6) Ben Hur
Upon leaving the theater after seeing this disaster, I told a buddy of mine that it was barely even a movie. I stick by that. This is a sad attempt to remake an all-time classic that was itself a remake of an all-time classic and it deservedly flopped hard.

(5) Bad Santa 2 
The first Bad Santa is a brilliant Christmas comedy but its sequel is a lazy film that tries way too hard to be as filthy as possible. If there were even 2 or 3 laughs in it, I would be willing to forgive it more. However, I think I let out a soft chuckle once and that was just because I was so desperate to find something remotely funny.

(4) Nerve
I'll give Nerve this---it has a great concept. Perhaps this makes it even more disappointing when the film is simply boring and awkward and goes absolutely nowhere with its idea.

(3) Swiss Army Man
The fact that the senior citizens filled theater I saw Swiss Army Man included people laughing genuinely concerned me for the fate of humanity. Perhaps the fact that people, even older ones, would like this disgusting, puerile, unbearable comedy explains why we have the president-elect that we do.

(2) The Neon Demon
I've always found Nicolas Winding Refn to be a pretentious filmmaker who is all style and no substance. If ever there was a film to prove that, it would be The Neon Demon. This is an unbelievably pretentious, ugly, mean spirited pile of trash with not a single worthwhile moment in it. It made no money in its opening weekend (in wide release, mind you,) proving that sometimes moviegoers are smart enough to know when to stay away.

And the worst film of 2016 is......

(1) The Forest
The Forest takes real life tragedy and turns it into a cheap, boring horror film. This makes the film not only terrible but incredibly offensive. It also doesn't help that leads Natalie Dormer and Taylor Kitsch give two of the worst, most lifeless performances I have ever had the displeasure of seeing. Don't even get me started on the ending, too. What a massive heap of junk this film is. Everyone involved in the making of it should be ashamed of themselves!

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